Wednesday 8 February 2012

Clear as mud...

I just had an interesting and (kind of) informative chat with Mistress R... I gave her my post to read and afterwards she made comment on the parts about what I was and what I wasn't allowed to do (I presume particularly about the part where she was stroking my cock and I said I wanted to lick my fingers and touch her pussy but wasn't sure if I was allowed to). It wasn't so much clarifying the situation, it was more that if I was unhappy about it we could discuss it. I assured her that I wasn't unhappy about it, just a little confused sometimes, a bit unsure, and more than anything worried that I might be leaving too much up to her. Long in the past, Mistress R has sometimes commented a little negatively on my passivity, which is not surprising in the light of more recent events is it?
I guess this is different though, whereas before in a purely vanilla relationship she felt my passivity signalled a lack of interest in her, now in this situation she knows how much I adore and want her, and as such she can see the benefits of calling the shots and being the one in control. I can't help thinking that if we had gone down this route earlier it would have been all the better for both of us, still, better late than never.
Still, that previous experience remains with me and of course from time to time I worry that she might think I'm being too passive. After all, when we started this it was my orgasms she was supposed to be controlling, not 'everything', nor did I think she would want to control 'everything', indeed she had previously told me many times that she did not want a 24/7 kind of lifestyle. So you can see where my concern (not to mention confusion) arises...
And yet, it was she who decided that I couldn't ask to be allowed to cum, it was she who decided that I couldn't ask for penetration, these rules were made as conditions of accepting control of my cock and orgasms, and to me, it was inevitable that this would lead to increased sexual passivity on my part.
So I am still a little confused, not least because sometimes she will allow me to initiate certain things, or rather will not stop me, but it would seem that my earlier assumption is correct, i.e.: if she wants me to touch her pussy she will tell me so.
I just don't ever want to have a conversation where she accuses me of not being into her enough because I don't 'grab her and fuck her over the kitchen table' or something (sorry to go all Literotica on you there dear readers, fact is we don't even have a kitchen table!), and I don't think I quite have the confidence in our respective roles as yet to feel totally relaxed about it.
Still, the conversation we had earlier was the perfect opportunity for her to air anything she wanted to and all she really offered was 'if you're not happy with it then we can discuss it' from which I can only assume that she is happy with it exactly as it is?
Clear as mud.
Any comments would be more than welcomed folks!

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