Wednesday, 11 June 2008

The story so far...

Mistress R suggested to me that since my blog is now so big, and that no one is really going to read all 1200+ posts, maybe I should write something for newcomers, so here it is then, the story so far with as much background as I can muster. This page will be accessible from the side bar (click on 'Catch Up') so that new readers can catch up as and when they find the blog.

I first knew of Mistress R when I was about sixteen I guess, we lived in a relatively small town where unusual people stand out. Mistress R, or rather just R then I guess, certainly stood out. So I knew who she was. Later I would meet her (briefly), she worked behind the bar of the pub that I frequented for a while, her look had toned down a bit by then and I remember being attracted to her but was either far too shy to chat up a hot barmaid or perhaps more likely I was already in a relationship myself... I'm not too sure of the dates.
I did not see her again for some time. My first relationship finished just before Christmas 1991  and within a week I had spent the night with another girl, 'C' (albeit just sleeping...). That didn't work out, we liked each other but... I think maybe she needed someone a bit more 'useful', as in someone who could fix her car etc.... Hmm.
The next six months were uneventful to say the least, looking back on it I don't really know what I was doing... I was regularly going to clubs but I can't even say I was failing to pick up women, I wasn't even  trying. The idea of one night stands never appealed to me in the slightest, this probably contributed to the longevity of my first relationship even though I was not happy in it. I realised at a young age that I was a 'marrying' kind of person... this meant I was probably more reluctant than I should have been to give up on my first relationship, but at the same time this experience didn't alter my views either.
 I also felt somewhat out of my depth I think, despite a three year relationship my sexual experiences were somewhat limited*, and since what I really wanted was a relationship, this situation didn't seem to be working for me. In truth I would probably have found it much easier to strike up a relationship had I spent my Saturday nights in the small town where I lived than in a big city where everybody seemed more grown up than me, most of the people I was hanging out with were a bit older and living as students or in their own places, whereas I was still living at home. The other (massive) contributory factor was of course, that while everyone else in the place was drunk I was always stone cold sober.

*My first relationship was with a girl called 'A'. We met at work and although we ended up in bed together the first night, it was six weeks before I finally lost my virginity to her. My first two attempts were disastrous, the first time I came before I even got inside her, the second time I couldn't get hard because I had jacked off so many times the night before trying to prevent premature ejaculation. Go on laugh all you want, I can laugh at it now... The third attempt went very well and I somehow summoned up previously unknown levels of self control, managing to last ten or fifteen minutes!

I realise you might be wondering quite why I am starting this story twenty five years back... well, I think that it's quite important actually, since I am sure all that has gone before has significantly shaped the current me, as you will see shortly.

Despite being significantly older than me, 'A' had never had an orgasm. I wanted to try and help her, but I was hardly an expert, and somewhat bizarrely she was almost afraid of it. I never really understood that... perhaps not surprisingly she was generally ambivalent about sex in general, and she found cum to be messy and unpleasant. Since she was so uncomfortable with sex in general I also became somewhat uncomfortable with it too, at least with her...
There were the odd occasions when things went well, but mostly things were awkward... and most often my orgasms were ruined (though of course I didn't know what a ruined orgasm was at the time). She usually wanted me to pull out when I came (and me being scared to death of getting her pregnant even though she was on the pill, I was quite happy to do so) but strangely I felt far too uncomfortable to grab my cock and finish it off properly so I would ruin onto her stomach... often (well, I say often, it's relative I guess) she would touch my cock but stop short of making me cum too.
You could probably count the number of times I came inside her on one hand actually, which was probably not a bad thing given her lack of discipline when it came to taking her contraception (yes, I could have worn a condom but she hated them, and she was supposed to be on the pill. She was also older and more experienced than me so I kinda thought she knew best....). I did enjoy licking her pussy (on the rare occasions it happened) though I was fucking clueless about what I was doing and she wasn't giving me any direction either!
Bizarrely, despite this pathetic situation I did once lick her ass (God knows how that ever happened!) and also... jokey banter about anal sex led to her fucking me with a fair sized carrot. I think the idea was that if I let her do that then she would let me do her in the ass... well that didn't happen. Actually I think that just put the idea into her head that I might be gay. Sigh...
As time went on I realized that apart from our complete sexual incompatibility, I really didn't like her (or her family) all that much, and I began to withdraw... by this time sex had completely fizzled out anyway. So we met one final time (to say goodbye effectively) and that was that, a week later I was spending the night with 'C'.
'C' could probably have taught me a lot, but for whatever reason it didn't work out. From what I heard later from a mutual friend she probably thought I was a bit too serious about wanting a relationship, which is fair enough. I was unwavering in that, sex for sex's sake was never my goal. I didn't want to 'fuck' lots of women and mark my bedpost... I don't really know why. Maybe that was a mistake on my part, maybe I missed out on learning valuable life lessons that way? I guess I will never know.
The next few months were uneventful, I continued going to clubs with me friends but nothing happened. I became friends with a girl called 'J', but she was a friend's ex and so that went nowhere.
Then one day I was briefly introduced to 'R' by a mutual friend. It was very quick since I was about to leave. If I remember correctly she pointed out that we both lived in the same small town and maybe she could get a lift with me to the city where the club was. Nothing really happened then, but the next week I found myself hoping to see her at the club the following weekend.
The next weekend arrived and no sooner had 'R' spotted me than she had me pinned against a wall snogging my face off. This was more like it! I hadn't experienced this kind of behaviour from a woman before and I bloody liked it! Hard to believe it would take so long for her underlying dominant streak to emerge...
From the start 'R' and I were inseparable. She had a good job and had already bought her own house, which meant that we could spend every night together right from the start. Aside from a short period of illness soon after we met I can't imagine we've spent more than a dozen nights apart in the last twenty one years.
At the time I was in very good shape and we would stay up until the early hours of the morning having sex over and over again. It was awesome! I was upfront about my lack of experience but 'R' was a lot more forthcoming than 'A' and quickly taught me how to make her cum with my fingers and my tongue. Making her cum quickly became my absolute greatest pleasure in life and within a few months we decided that we wanted to be together and decided to get married. I was the first of my friends to get married, by about ten years!
I remember one time that we were experimenting and I tied 'R's wrists to the bed, I don't know why but it totally backfired. I couldn't get hard... I was worried it was hurting her, I think she'd told me that she'd tried something similar with a previous boyfriend and had gotten bruises on her side or something. I don't know... for some reason I am not really comfortable with it, it's a contradiction because I am quite happy to read stories or watch video clips of women being 'used' or treated roughly, but at that time I couldn't do it. Maybe I could now... I don't know. If 'R' wanted to submit to me I would  definitely find a way to make it work, but I think that's a bridge I will probably never need to worry about crossing. In my mind women are to be worshipped, I would need to change that attitude if that were the case.
It was a few years before the subject of Femdom came up, I remember sitting on the sofa with 'R' and telling her that I wanted her to dominate me, to be my Mistress. I can't even begin to imagine how I broached that subject... fucking hell, talk about difficult! I'll always remember that 'R' was somewhat taken aback, at first I think she thought I wanted her to cuckold me, but I soon straightened that out!
I don't really remember our first sessions, since they were a long time ago. They were probably fairly tame, though I do remember us buying a whip the first time we went to Erotica, and also buying a strap-on from a mail order company, but I don't think it was used that much.
Towards the end of the nineties things started to unravel a bit, the femdom sex went out of the window and we started to disconnect from each other. It was a horrible time and over the course of a year or so 'R' started to show interest in other people. The whole thing was a nightmare to me, every weekend I was stressed to hell, wondering how much I should take before I just called it a day. It was very spread out, every time I thought would be the last time, and then I would see her flirting with/kissing someone. This is not something that we did, this was not something we saw as acceptable for each other to do. At one point I was so exasperated I asked her if she wanted an open marriage, but she was adamant that she didn't want that, and yet the problem persisted (fueled by alcohol for the most part). I suppose I could have fought fire with fire, but it was simply not in my nature to do that. I guess it would have been easier on me if it had been.
The final straw came at a work party, after putting a very drunk 'R' to bed I sat up all night feeling like this was the end. When she woke up I told her that was it, I wasn't doing this any more. Either she sorted herself out and we moved forward or I needed to find someone else who wanted to be with me and only me. We had very hot sex later that day and that was the end of it, but it took me a very, very long time to fully trust her again.
After this we moved house and the Femdom sessions started again, my best memory of that house was my very first cream pie. Again I don't really remember how I broached the subject, but I knew I wanted it. I clearly remember that she was on top of me, riding my cock until I exploded inside her, and then I remember her lifting off me and moving up the bed to straddle my head. By the time she was over my mouth my cum was just starting to leak out of her, it was so incredibly hot! It was everything I'd hoped for and more and to this day there's something very special about it that I absolutely love.
Another thing that came about sometime round about here was me asking Mistress R if I could lick her ass. At first she was pretty grossed out, I seem to remember... I think I may have just subtly mentioned that I'd done it before so I knew what I was getting into. That seemed to do the trick. Nowadays it's a fairly regular treat, and I love it so much. You can't really get more intimate than licking a woman's ass.
We moved house again in 2003, and ever since then we have been solid as a rock. Moving area seemed to put a line under the problems of the past somehow and the Femdom sessions have been a regular monthly event since.
At various times Mistress R (as she slowly became known) and I have discussed the Femdom side of our marriage. I have always wanted it to be more prevalent and less structured, Mistress R would much rather keep it to a prescribed and restricted level. It would be nice to abandon the sessions and for our Femdom to be spontaneous, but since I am quite sure this would mean less activity not more I am happy to stick with the sessions. Very occasionally Mistress R has paddled my ass out of session, and once or twice she has called on me to worship her feet, but to all intents and purposes the Femdom element of our marriage is restricted to a little CBT outside of the monthly sessions.
Although I wrote some short pieces of fiction in the nineties, it wasn't until the mid 00's that I started to write regularly. Finding Literotica and having somewhere to share my writing was a big boost, unfortunately most of my early stuff was posted under the name 'Malibuman666' rather than 'Robert_Anthony', but I think now most people have realised the connection. The first chapter of 'Owned' (published Sept 2006) is still my most read story with over 175,000 views.
One of the first things I did when I started this blog was to post all my stories on here, and I have added several new pieces since 2011. My plan is to write a proper, publishable novel for retail over the next year to eighteen months, but writing is a very time consuming pastime, so we shall have to see.
I'm not sure when I first discovered chastity play, but reading other people's stories on Literotica gave me a few ideas, in particular I found myself drawn over and over to a story called 'Terri's Teasing Torments'. It had long been a tradition that I wouldn't cum for a few days before a Femdom session, so that I would be aching for release and I suggested to Mistress R that maybe we could increase this length of time. I think a couple of times we used a couple of dice to decide how many days before the session I would be put on 'stop', and then it became normal that it would be a couple of weeks.
At this time every Femdom session would conclude with a huge orgasm for me, often while I was tonguing Mistress's ass. I can't remember when Mistress started making me lick my cum from her fingers, but I know that it was I who prompted it.
Early in 2011 I discovered Sarah Jameson's website and downloaded her chastity book. Everything she said made total sense to me and I was excited at the prospect of being denied relief. I had enjoyed the times leading up to my in-session release and experienced all the post orgasmic downs that Sarah talked about in her book. I also wanted my Mistress's pleasure to be of utmost importance, I had long since persuaded Mistress R that I genuinely loved going down on her, and now I wanted her to get as much out of that experience as I could possibly give her. I bought a book called 'She Comes First' and though I thought I was quite good at eating pussy before that, the reaction I got after the first time I used my tongue and fingers on her after that proved that that book is worth it's weight in gold.
In mid-March 2011 I suggested to Mistress R that she should take total control of my orgasms. She did not react well to this at all. She was exasperated that I was never satisfied with what we were doing, and felt that she was never living up to my ridiculously high expectations. I tried to explain what the benefits would be, but she was totally not having it.
A couple of weeks passed, I had accepted that this wasn't going to happen and resigned myself to continuing as before. Out of the blue Mistress came to me and told me that she would do it. I was more than a little surprised. We went for a walk in the country and Mistress told me that she had some extra rules, I don't know why or how these came about really, but I accepted them on the basis that she was granting me my fantasy so it was fair enough.
The first rule was that I wasn't allowed to ask to cum, the second rule was that I wasn't allowed to ask to be allowed inside her. The first rule was a little strange I thought, surely half the fun was having your man begging for release? But I guess she thought it would be easier to keep me denied if I wasn't appealing to her for release. I did think that this rule would be relaxed at some stage, but so far it hasn't. Actually, I flouted the rule once and once only. Soon after the rule was put in place Mistress was stroking my cock and I begged her to let me cum. She very calmly let go of my cock and left it throbbing against my stomach. She asked me 'Are you asking me to release you from chastity so that you can cum?', this was without doubt a test, if I said yes who knew whether she would ever consent to keeping me denied again. She would have the perfect reason not to after all, I hadn't lasted above a few days without begging.
The thing was, it wasn't that I wanted her to let me cum... I didn't at all! I just wanted to hear her tell me that she would be the one to decide when that would happen, but it kind of backfired on me. I have never asked her again and she has not rescinded the rule either.
The other rule was unexpected and difficult to accept. I hadn't expected to forego penetration as part of this game, and Mistress wasn't exactly falling over herself to give me permission to slip inside her. It confused me that she didn't seem to want penetration as much as I thought she would have and made me question certain things. Mistress stuck to her guns and I learned to accept it.. and learned that when something like that is restricted it becomes so much more powerful. Being inside her now is precious to me, a gift that I will never again take for granted... being allowed on top of her even more so.
At some point along the way Mistress told me I should not touch my cock any more, since it was her property. I don't think Mistress actually thought I would do this, I think it was something said in the heat of a session... somehow over the next few months I confessed each time I failed to keep my hands off and Mistress would use it as a reason to punish me in the next session.
It took a long time to really get to grips with this rule (you guys in chastity devices have it so easy!) but eventually I found that apart from wanting to be strong for my Mistress I found that 'illegal' stroking was never satisfying, it only detracted from the pleasure of being teased by my Mistress and I pretty much stopped it altogether.
At some point I bought a CB-3000, tried it on, discarded it as a useless piece of junk and sold it on.
This didn't matter too much since Mistress R was in no way on side with letting me wear it. Months went by and I had to try again. I bought another CB-3000, tried it again and still could not believe that anyone could wear it as a matter of course. Apart from anything else I couldn't possibly wear it under clothing, it was so fucking ridiculous.
One night I managed to wear it for about thirty minutes, without trousers. It was uncomfortable to say the least. But I knew if I sold it I would end up buying another one when my curiosity was piqued again, so I kept it and it is still in my bedside cabinet. Maybe one day I will try again, maybe it would work better when I have lost weight? Regardless I don't think Mistress will ever want me to wear it and I'm not sure that I want my cock locked away really, I would much rather it was always available for Mistress to stroke whenever she wanted to, spooning wouldn't be nearly as much fun if I couldn't feel my cock throbbing against her beautiful ass, and I don't think she would want to miss out on that either.
Over the last few months I have further encouraged Mistress R to let her mean side out, this has manifested itself in her finally ruining some of my orgasms and also slapping my cock and balls and using her teeth on my cock. I love it when she treats me this way, I know it's hard for her to understand (not being submissive herself) but nothing makes me happier than for her to tease and abuse my cock and leave me throbbing and desperate...except for feeling her bucking against my tongue of course.
I hope that things will continue to progress, I would love her to become more demanding and become more confident about using her body to torment my denied cock, I am hoping that my imminent trip to Slimming World will work to my advantage in that department. Perhaps if I can turn myself into a bit of a hottie again  she will feel the need to really assert herself? I really can't think of a better inspiration for trying hard.