Slaverik asked...

Slaverik left a comment yesterday asking how I got from fantasy to reality with Mistress R, and I know it's something that perhaps a lot of you would like to know, since probably a lot of you are still in the fantasy stage.
The truth is, there's no trick or magic bullet which is going to get you what you want. You have to ask for it, and be prepared to take the consequences, whatever they may be.

Let's think about this for a moment, let's imagine that the boot was on the other foot. Say one day Mistress R had come to me and said, I want you to beat me with a belt, I want you to thrash the shit out of me, I want you to beat my ass, my thighs even my tits until they are black and blue and even when I tell you I can't take it anymore I want you to keep on doing it, because it drives me crazy.

My first reaction would have been shock, because I would never have expected her to ask for this.
My second reaction would be fear of hurting her.
I don't know how many different feelings would have gone through my mind before I thought 'Yeah, that'll be really hot!'.

Okay, so that's an extreme example, but you can see what I'm saying. Quite apart from anything else, if you have never previously shown any inkling towards Femdom then she is going to be shocked and confused, and in her rush to rationalise what you are telling her she will almost certainly think that there is something wrong with her, that she isn't a good 'vanilla' lover and that's why you need to do this 'other' thing.  Now of course we know that's not it all, but she probably won't so I would suggest a more subtle approach.

(The other thing that you have to think about is that, if you are at the stage of being ready to ask for this, then you have probably overcome all your initial reactions long ago, you know the whole 'I shouldn't find this exciting but I do' thing... but SHE hasn't. As time goes on you become more relaxed with everything, for example a few years ago I would not have been able to really admit to myself (never mind anyone else) that the thought of being 'ordered' or 'forced' to suck another man's cock turned me on, but now I can and sometimes (usually when I am feeling particularly under Mistress R's spell) I feel that I genuinely would be willing to do so if it was asked of me, given the right circumstances).

I have often considered how would I go about getting to where I am now if I were not where I am now, and one of the things I think I would do would be to start doing things like rubbing her feet, which can then progress onto mild foot worship, and hopefully she will start to enjoy that and encourage it, which at least gives you an in, especially if she sees how much you enjoy it... then you can bring the subject up and at least she won't be quite so surprised.

I think aiming for a little at a time is perhaps a good strategy, baby steps gives her time to get comfortable with what you are asking for before you drop the next fantasy on her. Remember that old saying 'it's only kinky the first time', it's bang on the money that is. Trust me, there's always going to be more you want and you're never going to get it all in one go, and your more likely to get some of what you want and keep a happy wife if you let things move at a pace that suits her.

Perhaps you've read 'k's blog and fancy that lifestyle? Well, you have to face the fact that may never happen. Not every woman is going to be willing to go as far as 'Q', and even they are still moving in increments. For example, she cuckolds him, but until recently she has not allowed him to watch her with another man because she didn't think he was ready to handle it. He of course wants to see it, but he knows better than to force the issue (lest he gets his backside paddled!).

Again, extreme examples, but the same story.

You might look at my blog and think you want to live like me. I am extremely happy now, but of course I am always wishing for more from Mistress R. I would love her to be more demanding and crueler to me, but this will take time, and it will only happen if she becomes comfortable with the idea, and I accept that because our relationship and her happiness is worth more to me than any sex game.

And that, perhaps is the crux of the matter. Whenever I read a blog where people are living this wonderful lifestyle successfully, it is almost always apparent that the level of devotion between the couples is extremely high. Even in relationships where the husband is cuckolded it's still obvious that the husband is the one she loves, even the extraordinary circumstances that prevail on penny and Anne's blog 'I Have A Submissive Husband' it's plain that everything that's happening is born of love and that couples utter devotion to each other.

So perhaps a good first step to getting where you would like to be is to ask yourself honestly, is my marriage good enough to base this kind of lifestyle on? And if it isn't how can you start making sure that it is, before you go around chucking the big old spanner in the works that is the 'Honey, I'd really like to be your sub' conversation!