So as I mentioned earlier...

WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS POST THAT IT HAS BEEN UNPUBLISHED???

I hope you all visited the Locked Husband's blog and read his latest post. What really struck a chord with me was where he mentioned how when he is locked (or in my case merely 'denied') his Mistress's orgasm means so much to him. This is so true. When Mistress R cums it is such a rush for me, it's a feeling of total satisfaction that not even coming oneself can always bring. I never feel closer to her than when I am holding onto her and feeling her bucking against my tongue as she cums, it is a truly wonderful feeling and one which is wholly addictive.
I don't know about other women of course, but I really don't believe Mistress R has any idea just how much her body turns me on. I mean yes of course women know that guys like to look at them naked (dur!) but I'm sure she doesn't appreciate to what extent seeing her naked pussy makes me feel completely helpless to resist her. I have always loved going down on women, but since the start of the whole chastity thing even I am surprised how much more I love it and want it (and I lusted after it pretty much constantly anyway!). Seriously, if any woman doubts the power of her sexuality she needs to try talking to a chastity-male... because I'm damn sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Of course it's not just the chastity aspect, I recall maybe a year or so ago, during a Femdom session, I had an experience the like of which I'd never had before. I was on my knees on the bed and Mistress R was having me suck her strap-on and look up at her as she stood in front of me. She was talking to me the whole time and she said something about making me suck another man's cock and right then I looked up at her and I thought she looked so beautiful and so supremely sexy that I just had this feeling of complete and utter submission wash over me and I knew that right there, right at that moment I would do exactly that if that was what she wanted, without a moment's hesitation. I don't know how to describe it better than that, but it was almost like I could physically feel this awareness descending on me, and at the same time I felt a little dizzy with the realization of just how far into sub-space I was going.
After the session I wanted to try and express to her how she had made me feel, but I simply couldn't talk about it, I guess I was kind of worried about what she would think of me. In fact it took me several more days before I could actually spit it out and even then I was never really sure that she truly understood the depth of feeling she had generated in me.
And that feeling has stayed with me to some degree, almost like crossing a threshold... like I can never go back, or un-know that feeling. Which is why when I read Mistress 160's blog today about a collaring ceremony I feel like I truly understand why people feel the need to go that extra mile to 'give' themselves over to their partners completely. When you read and hear about how people abuse their 'marriages', it makes you feel like mere marriage is not enough to symbolise what you feel for your partner. It seems to have become so devalued that it doesn't sufficiently represent that depth of feeling that you want to convey any more.
That said I certainly wouldn't want to jump on the 'collaring' bandwagon, not least because I can appreciate that the levels of commitment necessary to earn the right to wear one are not right for a relationship like ours which is essentially too 'vanilla'.
But still that is in essence the sort of symbolic gesture I would love to make to Mistress R. A lot of people would probably say that we should renew our vows, but I don't need to renew them. I haven't broken them and I don't intend to. It always strikes me that people who 'renew' their vows are either trying to repair something or simply looking for an excuse to get dressed up, of course I'm sure that's not always the case, but  once again, this is something which to me is devaluing 'marriage'.
When we got married a lady that Mistress R used to work with mentioned that ours was a fantastic wedding because we (the bride and groom) seemed completely oblivious to anyone else in the church, that we were the only people that mattered and that we were only there for each other. To my mind that is how marriage should be, not whether the ribbon on the bridesmaids' dress matches the trimmings on the table. None of that shit really matters, and the sooner 'marriage' stops being an 'industry' the better as far as I'm concerned.