How far is too far...

Don't worry, I'm not about to tread on anyone's toes here, this post is just about my own personal limits and what I think is reasonable and what is not. If you disagree that's fine, I make no judgements about your personal opinions and levels of kink, however this for me, is one example of going too far...

You know, back in the day I remember my old Dad saying to me, "Son," he said. "When your bollocks are by your knees, you've gone to far.. "
Okay, he didn't really say that. But that's a hell of a picture isn't it? Fucking hell. I mean, I'm all for ball stretching (especially if like me you are what my doctor described as a 'very high rider'), maybe a couple of inches so that you can comfortably wear a chastity device, but that really is taking things too far. I'm not too keen on the piercing either, actually... but that's another debate.
So anyway, I was thinking about things I've done, things I haven't done, things I'd like to do, things I definitely don't want to do and things that confuse me because they turn me on even though I'm not sure why! Of course, when you think of things like that, you end up ranking your levels of perversion and someone else might look at that and say (for example) I can't believe you wouldn't wear women's pants but you would let your Mistress pee in your mouth!
Which is a perfectly reasonable argument, one is completely and utterly harmless, painless and really not that big a deal, whereas the other one is harmless, painless but, on the face of it, much more 'extreme' and possibly less 'pleasant' than might be imagined (I have no idea as I've never actually done either). And yet one of those things, to me, is well outside my comfort zone while the other is merely towards the edge of it.
I'm not entirely sure why that is though... on the face of it I think it's because I think sissification would alter how Mistress R views me outside of kink. So it's not that I find it particularly abhorrent in itself, but I worry that the knock on effects would be negative... on the other hand, I think the worst that indulging in watersports would lead to would be for Mistress to consider me a bit 'weird', which she probably does anyway, so no harm done then, hahaha.
At the same time, I have no massive burning to desire to do it, it's just... one of those things that is more about 'power' than the act itself, so it appeals to me as an act of 'submission' rather than anything else. However, I know Mistress R does not like the idea of watersports at all, so it's rather unlikely in any case.
Of course it's not lost on me that sissification is very much an act of submission too, but I think a lot of guys would share my views on this, and I think it stems from early 'programming' that men who dress in women's clothing are likely to be 'gay', whereas people who get off on being pissed on are just perverts, and most* heterosexual men would rather be considered 'perverted' than 'gay' (which is kind of ironic considering the things I posted the day before yesterday...).
Then there's the things that confuse the hell out of me. On the face of it, being kicked in the balls is definitely not cool, and yet, I have seen whole forums dedicated to it, and the thought of it does sometimes turn me on (in a Femdom setting). But there's degrees isn't there. I mean I would be quite happy for Mistress R to kick me gently (taps of the foot, in effect), but if she starts taking a run up, well that's time to call a halt to it I feel!
The same goes for paddling and the like. Mistress R has pretty much already found my limit for pain and yet many people, probably even many of you reading this, would regard my limit as pitifully low by their own standards. When I see bottoms that have been caned I wince, even though I know the person that has been on the receiving end has probably loved it, like they say, it's different strokes for different folks.
Perhaps looking in the other direction, many pain sluts and sissies would gasp in horror at the thought of being denied orgasm for extended periods? You can just imagine their voices 'How could you do that?', says the man with the raised welts across his backside, the crocodile clips hanging off his nipples and his make up smeared across his face where his Mistress has rode his tongue to orgasm...
So one man's meat really is another man's poison, and so we learn to tolerate other people's kinks, even if we know deep down that they are not for us. Isn't it a shame the world isn't run by 'perverts', everything would be so much easier!

* unverified of course, I have no way of knowing that this is true.

Poll is closed...

And, somewhat unsurprisingly really, the results are as follows: 28% think that 'naked' women look best, 6% of you think 'fully clothed' women look best, and a whopping 66% of you like your women 'semi naked'. Personally I think underwear is overrated and while I understand the appeal of the semitransparent lacy lingerie, I'd much prefer to see the beautiful pussy as God intended!

Anyway.... so now I have a new poll for you, and this is something a little different. I know there are at least some people who visit my site who are into feminization. So the question is, would you allow yourself to be 'sissified' to please your Mistress?
My own thoughts on this are that I have no desire to do this, and I don't think I would feel remotely comfortable doing it, but then I'm sure Miss Christina would say that's exactly why you should be prepared to do it, if it pleases your Mistress.
Argh!!! Hoist by my own petard (fortunately for me, I know that Mistress R has no intention of suggesting this, phew).
But some Mistress's do and some people like being made to do it. I guess it depends if you get off on being humiliated or not. Personally I'd much rather be paddled, fucked or even pissed on frankly, at least that would feel dirty rather than silly. Which is how I think I would feel wearing a pair of women's panties...
So, from that I think you can deduce which way my vote's going to be cast!

It's late...

Mistress R has gone to bed but I'm not really tired enough yet, even though I've done two lots of exercise today (Go, Me!)... not only that but I also spent a lovely hour in bed with Mistress earlier and licked her to another lovely climax (bringing her total to 27 since April 1st). Not only that, but I got a double dose of teasing... firstly when we were kissing when we first got into bed, Mistress was stroking my cock and then as I moved down her body she used her foot to tease my cock and balls until I moved fully between her legs. Then after I made her cum she surprised me by pulling the sheet back (I thought I'd had my treat for the day) and stroked and teased me wonderfully for several more exquisite minutes. It felt so, so good, and my cock was soooooo hard!
Mistress was also very pleased that I had managed not to touch my cock since Saturday, maybe that's why she gave me extra teasing (but most likely it was because she so pleased with how hard I'm trying with the weight loss thing). It was so much better than doing it myself, and that's what I have to remind myself. Not only does it feel better than me doing it, but because I haven't done it myself, it makes Mistress's touch feel even better. If you think about it, it's like being locked up, without being locked up. All you need is willpower!
Of course, now I'm awake, Mistress is asleep and the world wide web of filth is wide open to me. And of course I want to touch my cock, but I'm not going to, not even a little bit. Because next time Mistress touches me I want it to feel just as amazing as it did tonight, and I know that if I touch my cock myself it will detract from that, plus I want to be able to say to Mistress next time she asks that I have obeyed her wishes.
Moreover, I love the idea that ALL my sexual pleasure should come at the behest and whim of my Mistress. That is why I would love to be locked up in a chastity belt, so that Mistress R would know without question that every bit of sexual pleasure I get would come from her. It's easy for me to say that I have not touched my cock or made myself cum (and I have not lied once since we started this) but I would love for her to have that security, that absolute knowledge that I cannot have done either since she locked me up and that only she can release me and grant me satisfaction through teasing or release.
But that's not going to happen any time soon, so instead I am going to concentrate on behaving myself, knowing that when Mistress does decide to touch my cock again it will be enhanced greatly by my self-discipline and stoic adherence to Mistress's instructions.

Isn't it funny...

I was just on Amazon checking out the price for the follow up to that book I've just reviewed (it only has one review on there by the way and it's not a good one!) when I noticed the old Black Lace classic 'Cassandra's Conflict'. I never read many Black Lace books, but I read that one a couple of times back in the 90's, and funnily enough there's only one scene that I really remember.
I can't remember all the details but Cassandra watches a male slave being teased by another woman. He is laid on his back and the woman holds his cock lightly and the slave has to lift his hips repeatedly to 'fuck' her hand. Every time he gets close to cumming the woman lets go and he has to start all over again, which is both immensely frustrating and exhausting. Isn't it funny how that is the only bit of the whole book that I can really remember, and I recall even back then thinking that sounded soooooooooo hot!

International Femdom Day...

I have mentioned this before, but it was ages ago and I'm sure there's several new readers that have found my blog since then. July 24th is Femdom Day! So make sure you don't forget. I have already made plans for Mistress R, plans which were supposed to stay secret, but which I decided to tell her because Mistress R and surprises are not always happy bedfellows, which isn't to say that she knows 'everything', but she does know that we are going away for a night and where we are going.
Funnily enough this was something that I only discovered by accident. I was thinking that Mistress R should have a separate birthday from wife-R, and then I looked on the internet to see if there was some precedent for this and there it was... I think I mistakenly called it 'Mistress Day' previously, but it is actually Femdom Day. Which amounts to the same thing really, doesn't it?

The poll...

Well there's one day left to vote and all of a sudden the 'clothed' option is getting votes! How odd. Still, it doesn't look likely to change the overall result too much as 'partially clothed' has romped away with it. I do have a new poll in mind so come back tomorrow and vote!

BOOK REVIEW: Carrie's Story by Molly Weatherfield

It’s that time again, our friends at Eden Fantasys have furnished me with one of their erotic books to review this month, albeit one that’s been around a while so some of you might have already read it.
I must confess this book wasn’t my first choice, there was a very interesting looking book on their website which was about something close to all men’s hearts, making and keeping your cock hard. But it was out of stock, so I couldn’t have that. Maybe next time, Kayla?
So I chose this one instead…

It actually came out in 1995 (I like to ride the cutting edge!), and is apparently something of a classic, albeit one that I’ve never heard of before.
The story centres around a girl called Carrie, a young despatch rider who falls into a relationship with an older man who takes her as his slave. At first she visits him twice a week to be used and abused as he sees fit, which is quite entertaining, but as their relationship continues it becomes much more serious to the point where Carrie is prepared for sale at a slave auction.
Now, you know me, I’m a stickler for believability and I bristled at the bit where ‘a button was pressed and a chain descended from the ceiling’, so if that sort of thing is going to bother you I would steer well clear because, in the second half of the book particularly, believability goes out of the window somewhat (almost to the point of being sci-fi).
There’s three stages to the book really, the initial relationship, the training and the preparation for sale. But the book feels like it’s missing a fourth part, it ends abruptly and at 188 pages seems quite short, almost like it’s part of a longer book. I found the first two parts the most enjoyable, even though I don’t really ‘get’ the whole pony training thing. But for me the third part descends into oddness. In this part the sex becomes irrelevant and perfunctory, as does it’s description. Carrie is seemingly ‘buggered’ by everyone she meets (without so much as a hint of lube) and the story starts to focus in on her dehumanisation and detachedness.
I can see why the sex is written this way in this part of the book, as it’s making the point that she’s becoming an object to be used, but it doesn’t make for particularly ‘sexy’ reading. I can’t really imagine anyone with their hands in their pants in the last third of the book, save for those who are deeply into this sort of thing.
That aside, the writing itself is of a very high standard and I did enjoy reading this book, or at least most of it. If this has tickled your fancy you can buy this and a wide range of erotic books and sex toys at Eden Fantasys website. One thing I can say about them, their delivery is lightning fast, which is always a good thing for those impatiently waiting to get their goodies!

Kayla from Eden Fantasys has advised me that the reason the book seems to end so abruptly is that there is a sequel, which can be found here

Homophobia can be fun(ny)...

I have a friend who is a bit homophobic. He's not... I mean he wouldn't abuse anyone for being gay, indeed we both knew someone a long time ago who was gay and he was perfectly okay with him, but I know that in his head he finds it a bit disgusting. At the same time, I know he likes 'lesbian' porn, which I can't help feeling is a bit of a double standard.
He's what you'd probably call an 'Alpha' male, tall, fit, likes football, beer and definitely thinks women are 'inferior'. He's a nice bloke and we get on great, but if we hadn't been in a band together in our youth I can't see that we'd have much in common. But his 'homophobia' does make me laugh sometimes. Once we were playing a game of pool and he was talking about a threesome he'd nearly had when I completely innocently said 'I reckon two blokes and one woman would work better than two women and one man'. This did not find favour with my friend, at all. I think he was afraid that he might somehow unwittingly 'brush' against another mans cock and that would cause him to run screaming from the room, like a big girl.
Of course when I say he likes lesbian porn, predictably it's the 'Vivid girl' kind of lesbian porn, not the realistic kind... honestly he's like a walking cliche.
I don't know, I find as I get older I become more open-minded about things, particularly things to do with sex. When Tabor send me their catalogues (how the fuck do you get off those mailing lists, I never even bought anything!) I still can't help thinking that blokes with other blokes cocks in their mouths look 'odd', but then I'm not attracted to men. Which is why the whole cuckolding/domination thing is so confusing.
I'm pretty sure that if I was horny enough and in the right frame of mind and Mistress R ordered me to do it for her, I might suck another man's cock. But I'm in no doubt about my orientation, I like women. Any fantasies I may have about sucking cock or cleaning another man's cum out of my Mistress's pussy all revolve around my Mistress and obeying her. Take that out of the equation and it simply doesn't work anymore. I wouldn't even describe myself as bi-curious, because I have no desire to do any of these things outside of the scenario I described above. But equally, the idea doesn't disgust me, I'm just devoted to pussy, not cock.
In a way I would love to know what my friend would say if he knew what Mistress R and I get up to, but I'm sure it would fry his tiny mind and I can no more imagine him submitting to his wife sexually than driving a small pink car with the number plate 'FAG 1'.
I know he would find the idea of giving control of his orgasms to his wife completely ludicrous, but I bet if he did his wife would find him a lot more considerate and attentive (there's certainly plenty of scope for improvement there if I may say so!), but while ever he views women as 'inferior' there's no incentive for him to do so, is there. Which is his loss as far as I'm concerned, because I know that it has made me feel happier, closer and more devoted to Mistress R than I have ever have been.
My friend and his wife both earn a lot more than Mistress R or I, they have a big house, posh cars, they are both athletic and attractive, but I wouldn't swap with them for a moment. I know that what I have with Mistress R is something money simply can't buy and that many people would kill for, which is why I would never do anything to put it risk. Her contentedness is everything to me, and I'm very much looking forward to making her very content in about six hours time!

Still nothing...

That's a whole three days without touching my cock, do I get a medal? Fuck me it seems a lot longer than that already, hahaha. Still I did have some lovely teasing on Sunday and (fingers crossed) maybe some more tonight after I've made Mistress R cum again. I'm certainly looking forward to that a lot more than doing Mistress Motivator's exercise DVD. Still, the stupid scales revealed a pound on this morning, which I'm very annoyed about, although truth be told I did have to reset the scales to '0' and that always seems to end up making you weigh more, which I don't really understand, but there you are.
So, I guess it's got to be done, at least we have a decent fan to keep us cool. I have to say, I don't mind doing this too much, because it seems to fly by, but I can't say my fantasy of watching Mistress R exercising has really lived up to the Eric Prydz video I had in my head, mainly because I spend the entire time concentrating on trying to stay in time with the DVD, and it doesn't help that Mistress R doesn't so I get confused and end up following her instead...
Truth be told, I think it would be a lot more fun if I sat on the sofa and watched Mistress R do the routine naked, but I don't think there's much chance of that. Maybe when I'm thin and locked in the CB-3000 she might do it, just to watch me struggle... Mmmm, that would be a hell of an incentive to lose weight! Hehehehe.

Hope you guys are enjoying the new captions...

I'm not feeling very inspired to write much today... nothing's grabbing me. Nice to see we have three new followers (welcome!) although I noticed I lost one earlier in the week, can't please everyone I guess! So I'm pretty much just making captions, because I know a lot of you love them.
I do like the simplicity of captions, so much easier than writing stories, and sometimes just as effective. I wonder if one day someone will publish a book of internet femdom/chastity captions like the 'I Can Haz Cheeseburger' books? There's certainly more than enough of them out there... I guess there'll be a lot of copyright problems with that, but still, perhaps some rogue publishing company will have a go.
I'd love to see 'I Can Haz Femdom Bitchez' on Amazon, that would be most amusing.
Hmm...

Why...

Does anyone have any idea why the 'popular posts' part of my stats page doesn't work? It works on my weightloss blog but not on this one... very annoying.

I hate this weather, it's too hot to write my book, so I'm just bumming around doing nothing...

Gah....

Woke up rock hard again this morning... luckily I wanted to get up and go for a walk before it got too hot, although it was hot enough at 6:50am! This is England, it's supposed to rain all the time. So I did that, which saved me from myself really... I wonder how long it will be before I have to notch up my first infraction?
Usually the first week is the easiest, so that doesn't bode well for the future!

Why this morning was SO good...

I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm finally allowed to cum, my body kind of wakes up to what it's been missing and thinks 'let's do that again', so strangely when I was being so wonderfully teased by Mistress R this morning I probably wanted to cum even more than I did yesterday, because that sensation of release was so fresh in my mind. Plus because it's only 'day one' your brain reasons 'well you might as well let me cum now, because we've hardly even started this period of chastity yet, so we won't even be messing it up, not like we will if you leave it a couple of days...', which is why of course we need someone else in control, or else chastity would become like a diet that will always start tomorrow...
I think that by teasing and denying me so soon after letting me cum, Mistress R has undoubtedly put me back on the right track of not expecting to cum again until she wants me too, and I do love that feeling of knowing that once again I am under her control. I just can't get over how amazing it felt this morning, her fingers teasing my cock head so perfectly and bringing me so close so quickly even after I'd cum yesterday... that really was out of this world.
Only thing was of course, Mistress R calling a halt to proceedings then getting up and leaving me alone in bed with a violently throbbing cock meant I really had to get up pronto, otherwise I would have undoubtedly incurred my first infraction and maybe even something worse (and I definitely don't want to make the acquaintance of the paddle again anytime soon, I can tell you!).

Lovely Sunday morning...

Mistress R and I were out late last night and so we've only just woken up. Mistress noticed my rock hard cock and decided to tease me a while, giving me some wonderful firm strokes and then teasing the head and underside of my cock with her fingers. I was most surprised how quickly she almost got me to the edge (especially after yesterday!) and doubly surprised that once again she stopped just before I was about to tell her I was getting close. She's obviously getting good at this!
Funny how I'm always a little nervous on Femdom session days, and that perhaps coupled with my indecision about whether I really want to be allowed to cum or not, tends to mean that I'm often not as hard as I would like during those sessions. Yesterday Harry Haversackers asked if I wasn't a little disappointed that I was allowed to cum, and yes of course a little bit of me would have loved to continue (either with a ruined orgasm or no orgasm at all), but I certainly wouldn't describe myself as 'disappointed' when I was tonguing Mistress R's gorgeous ass and cumming hard, far from it!
Like Mistress R said, we're still pretty new to this and there's plenty of time for her to develop and become meaner about letting me cum, and yes of course I do hope she will become meaner about that and more dominant in other ways too, but only as fast as she's comfortable with. We've already come a lot further a lot faster than I thought we would and we're both loving it, so I see no reason to think that this won't continue indefinitely and that Mistress R won't carry on growing into her new role.
Mistress R is also very pleased that her plan to make me lose weight is working as well, and in fact she has just suggested a walk to help burn off all those yummy Thai Chilli crisps I ate last night, so I'd better get on!

Transgression counter added...

I've added my 'transgression counter' to the box on the right, which will hopefully help me get my illegal touching under control.

I forgot to add...

The hottest thing Mistress R said to me this morning (and there was plenty to choose from!) was this little gem:

"I know how much you love me having total control of your cock, and we will get there eventually. We are only at the beginning of this..."

Awesome.

So, the big day arrived at last...

I had a rubbish night's sleep but woke up knowing that today was the day of our delayed Femdom session. But first there was the small matter of my first weigh-in, which resulted in a 5lb loss for me (in five days).
Having got that out of the way and showered, I prepared the bedroom for the session and waited for Mistress on my knees, knowing that she had read my pre-session notes in which I confessed my complete failure to resist touching my cock over the last two weeks, although I couldn't tell her exactly how many times I had done it. Naturally Mistress R was keen to 'correct' me and pretty much the first thing that she did in the session was to give me 21 hits with the paddle. It hurt quite a lot, especially the last few... still I deserved it. I can't argue that.
After this Mistress R had me worship her feet as she stroked her gorgeous pussy and mused over how she was going to stop me touching my cock. At one point she mentioned making me wear the CB-3000 for a period each day, but later on she changed her mind and said that she didn't want to do that because it was 'so much more fun' to make me keep myself under control.
Then she had me on my hands and knees on the bed and pushed a dildo up my ass and she seemed to be about to use her strap-on on me but for some reason she changed her mind and had me turn over on my back. She restrained me and then sat on my face and had me lick her pussy (I LOVE this) and then she stood over me, pushing her glass dildo into her wet pussy and fucking herself with it for a while before forcing it into my mouth and telling me that maybe if I can't keep my hands of 'her' cock (she said that several times during the session, which I liked very much) then instead of sucking her dildo clean I might have to suck a real cock clean, after it had been inside her. You can imagine the effect that had on me...
She whipped my cock a little and then straddled me and rode my cock for a short while, it felt soooo good to be inside her again. All through the session she constantly drummed into me that touching my cock 'illegally' couldn't compare to what it felt like having her touch it, and that I should remember this when I was tempted (she reinforced this with a half a dozen swats of the crop too).
At one point she sucked my cock for a few moments before kissing me, because she knows I love it when her mouth tastes of my cock, unfortunately my tongue was so coated in pussy juice that I could barely taste it but it was so fucking hot that her point was still made, especially the way she stuck her tongue into my mouth.
Then she blindfolded me, pushed the dildo back into my ass and  attached clothes pegs to my nipples, before leaving me to stew for about ten minutes.
When she returned she climbed on top of me and pulled the pegs off, before briefly sitting on my face once more (lovely). Then she removed the blindfold and released me, before having me go down on her until she came and then had me lick all her pussy juice off her thighs and off the PVC sheet.
Finally she had me back on my back once more, tied at all four corners to the bed. She stood over me and then lowered her gorgeous ass to my face. She gave me permission to lick her asshole as she pumped my cock hard and soon I felt twenty eight days of built up frustration exploding from the tip of my cock. Mistress R pulled her ass away from my face and pushed her fingers into my mouth, ordering me to lick and swallow all of my cum from them. Then she scooped up the rest of the cum from around my cock and made me swallow that too, before sitting on my face one last time...

Well that was my Saturday morning and they don't come much better than that!

FEMDOM SESSION 25th June 2011

I had a rubbish night’s sleep but woke up knowing that today was the day of our delayed Femdom session. But first there was the small matter of my first weigh-in, which resulted in a 5lb loss for me (in five days).

Having got that out of the way and showered, I prepared the bedroom for the session and waited for Mistress on my knees, knowing that she had read my pre-session notes in which I confessed my complete failure to resist touching my cock over the last two weeks, although I couldn’t tell her exactly how many times I had done it. Naturally Mistress R was keen to ‘correct’ me and pretty much the first thing that she did in the session was to give me 21 hits with the paddle. It hurt quite a lot, especially the last few… still I deserved it. I can’t argue that.

After this Mistress R had me worship her feet as she stroked her gorgeous pussy and mused over how she was going to stop me touching my cock. At one point she mentioned making me wear the CB-3000 for a period each day, but later on she changed her mind and said that she didn’t want to do that because it was ‘so much more fun’ to make me keep myself under control.

Then she had me on my hands and knees on the bed and pushed a dildo up my ass and she seemed to be about to use her strap-on on me but for some reason she changed her mind and had me turn over on my back. She restrained me and then sat on my face and had me lick her pussy (I LOVE this) and then she stood over me, pushing her glass dildo into her wet pussy and fucking herself with it for a while before forcing it into my mouth and telling me that maybe if I can’t keep my hands of ‘her’ cock (she said that several times during the session, which I liked very much) then instead of sucking her dildo clean I might have to suck a real cock clean, after it had been inside her. You can imagine the effect that had on me…

She whipped my cock a little and then straddled me and rode my cock for a short while, it felt soooo good to be inside her again. All through the session she constantly drummed into me that touching my cock ‘illegally’ couldn’t compare to what it felt like having her touch it, and that I should remember this when I was tempted (she reinforced this with a half a dozen swats of the crop too).

At one point she sucked my cock for a few moments before kissing me, because she knows I love it when her mouth tastes of my cock, unfortunately my tongue was so coated in pussy juice that I could barely taste it but it was so fucking hot that her point was still made, especially the way she stuck her tongue into my mouth.

Then she blindfolded me, pushed the dildo back into my ass and  attached clothes pegs to my nipples, before leaving me to stew for about ten minutes.

When she returned she climbed on top of me and pulled the pegs off, before briefly sitting on my face once more (lovely). Then she removed the blindfold and released me, before having me go down on her until she came and then had me lick all her pussy juice off her thighs and off the PVC sheet.

Finally she had me back on my back once more, tied at all four corners to the bed. She stood over me and then lowered her gorgeous ass to my face. She gave me permission to lick her asshole as she pumped my cock hard and soon I felt twenty eight days of built up frustration exploding from the tip of my cock. Mistress R pulled her ass away from my face and pushed her fingers into my mouth, ordering me to lick and swallow all of my cum from them. Then she scooped up the rest of the cum from around my cock and made me swallow that too, before sitting on my face one last time…

Well that was my Saturday morning and they don’t come much better than that!

Suddenly, everything is getting very intense...

It's now been 27 days since I have come and all of sudden, the 'ache' to cum, has become a definite throbbing distraction. To be honest I expected to feel like this earlier than I have, which in a way makes me feel a little conflicted about the fact that I'm almost certainly going to be allowed to cum tomorrow, because it means that I'm going to be back to square one. But at the same time, I really, really want to cum now.
I can't quite understand why this feeling has come on so suddenly though, maybe it's psychological - because I know that there's probably less than twenty four hours to go until Mistress R gives me the most intense orgasm of my life?
Now I genuinely know what Sarah Jameson says when she says 'Men want to cum, but they crave denial'. Because right now I most definitely want to cum, but at the same time if Mistress R told me she was going to make me wait another day, another week, another month, I would willingly obey her without question, knowing that without her control I could never have lasted this long.
It's funny, all this week I've been kind of hoping that Mistress R would stop short of letting me cum tomorrow, even though deep down I'm pretty sure she has no intention of doing that. I still do kind of feel like that, but at the same time I only want her to do that if that's what she genuinely wants. This isn't making much sense (even to me), but before now I wanted her to do it because I wanted to continue in chastity, but now I want her to do it even though I really want to cum. Does that make sense? I hope so...
So, yeah, conflicted doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now. I want it to continue, I want to cum, but most of all I want that decision to be Mistress R's and not mine...
I wish I could put into words how this is making me feel about my beautiful Mistress R. I know it's pretty much impossible for a woman to understand how chastity affects us, but I can honestly say that I have never felt so completely in love with her as I do now. I really can't wait for tomorrow, because I am so ready to submit to her in any way she chooses, and because I am so impatient to taste her and make her cum again. It scares me to think what I would be willing to do for her tomorrow... which is pretty much anything.

When is 'k' going to update his blog...

'We need to talk', he posted a week ago.... and since then, nothing. What a big tease he is...

My new poll...

So this is a poll that Mistress R suggested a while back, when we were trying to come up with polls for the future. My take on this is that primarily I think naked women look the best. As much as I do like all the PVC and leather and boots and stuff, at the end of the day you can't really improve much on nature and women's bodies are just the best thing ever (particularly Mistress R's!).
However, I do appreciate that by covering part of the body you can make a part left naked seem more erotic. Like, say if a woman was wearing jeans but her feet were bare, suddenly her feet become the focus of your attention and seem extra-sexy. And obviously there's a lot of guys (and girls) out there who like the look of a woman in lingerie.
So it's a tough one, and I'm hoping that this poll might be a little less easy to predict.
Voting takes place in the usual spot, right under the blue 'Keyheld' banner.

Results of this weeks polls...

I asked, which gives you the deepest satisfaction: Your orgasm, your partners orgasm, or are they equally satisfying?
Perhaps unsurprisingly, given the nature of this blog, the results were as follows:

75% said their partner's orgasm was most satisfying for them
18% said that both their partner's and their own orgasms were equally satisfying
7% said their own orgasms were the most satisfying

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

And now, moving on to the much more important poll, I asked what you would like to see happen to me this Saturday, given that I will have waited four weeks for an orgasm.
60 of you voted and here are the results:

5 of you (8%) would like me to enjoy a nice satisfying orgasm.
14 of you (23%) think I should be made to wait just one more week
17 of you (29%) think Mistress R should allow me a ruined orgasm
24 of you (40%) would like to see Mistress R make me wait another month

So the best thing would be if Mistress R would ruin my orgasm and then make me wait another month, huh?

Not this time, I don't think. I gave Mistress R an update on the progress of the poll last night and she was interested but added that 'we are still very new to this', which is true, I mean we've only been doing this for three months and we've already come so far. The poll was only a bit of fun anyway, and I'm conscious that I don't want to 'push' Mistress R faster than she wants to go.
So whatever she decides is fine by me. She's already made me wait longer than I thought she would this soon, and I adore her for doing that. It's so gratifying to see her confidence building as she gets used to this whole thing and realises that I really do love being teased and left aching to cum (and once I get my 'touching' under control it will be even more intense).
I've never been backwards about telling Mistress R how much I love going down on her and making her cum, and I'm sure that this past few months have really confirmed that to her beyond any doubt. I crave her constantly, she is so beautiful and sexy and nothing compares to the absolute joy I experience when I feel her cum against my tongue, and that's one thing that will definitely be happening tomorrow!

Transgression counter...

Yes, I think I will soon be implementing a 'transgression counter' whereby I will be recording my 'illegal touching'. Since my last punishment my willpower has really gone to pot and I would really like to get that back in control, because I really want it to be as good as it can be when Mistress R deigns to tease me. It doesn't seem too difficult the first week, but the longer it goes on the harder it gets (in all senses of the word) and this past week has been a complete disaster...
Besides which, Mistress R instructed that I should only touch my cock when I have permission and I really do want to learn to obey her in this. So whenever Mistress R chooses to punish me next for my wrongdoings (and I will truly deserve some punishment!), which will almost certainly be Saturday, I will put up a counter and thereafter try extra, extra hard to behave myself. I'm really hoping that having to note them on this site will help focus my mind on what is expected of me, in the same way that my weight-loss blog is helping me focus on that.

Last chance...

Last night I took my last chance to ask permission to touch my cock, since if I am allowed to cum on Saturday I don't want to have wasted any. Mistress sad I could, but that I had to wait for the minute to change on the projection clock on the ceiling. While we waited she held my hard cock and then when the minute changed she let go and I took over, stroking it hard and soft as she talked to me.

MR "Does that feel good?"
RA "Yes"

MR "But not as good as when I touch it?"
RA "No Mistress..."

MR "You must be really struggling now, are you sure you can wait..."
RA "I'll wait as long as you want me to Mistress."

MR "Think about how good it's going to feel when I finally let you cum, whenever that may be..."

She never told me how long I was going to get but I figured it would be three minutes again and I was right. When the clock hit three minutes she told me to stop and then she stroked me a few times before kissing me goodnight and leaving me breathing heavily, but so, so happy.
I still, deep down, believe that she will let me cum on Saturday, despite the poll and my assurances that I will wait as long as she wants me to. But I hope (and do think) that she is starting to gain confidence that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to....

Captions...

I have captions for you but Blogger isn't letting me post them... sigh.

Most amused by...

At All Times experiences with the CB-6000 chastity device. Glad it's not just me who finds it a complete nightmare to get on! I totally sympathize with his utter frustration with it too, and agree that it would probably be easier for him to spend the time getting the thing on before allowing his wife to lock the padlock and take the key....
I still wonder if the 'Birdlock' chastity device would be better, especially being made of a soft flexible material, it has to be a step in the right direction, doesn't it? I might try one eventually, if the price comes down a bit.

You can read AtAllTimes posts here and here

An excellent story...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

More on this whole cuckolding thing...

In response to my post yesterday I received this most welcome comment from Weave:

Weave said... Wow... such a helpful post!! Thank you. I haven't been too into cuckolding stories, but realized they do excite me. I think maybe you've helped put this in better perspective ...hmmm, maybe this is it! Sincere thanks :)

Thank you Weave, but I do feel that I've only expanded on what the original author had said, so the credit really should go to him. Glad you feel that it's helped you all the same, personally I'm still somewhat confused by my reactions to the whole thing...

Funnily enough, this ties in nicely with another post I was looking to write about cuckolding, after I read a super-hot post on the 'Femdom Fiance' site this morning. Which you can read here.
Again, it leaves me wondering why I find it so arousing when it runs contrary to everything I believe in and want? I can only surmise that it is simply the fact that it is happening to someone else and not me, so it feels 'safe' for me to enjoy reading it (in addition I guess 'fictional' cuckolding and captions also feel 'safe' because they aren't even someone else's problem!).
And yet, when we are in our Femdom sessions and Mistress R teases me by talking about making me suck a cock that has just been inside her and things like that, it undoubtedly turns me on. Again, perhaps the fact that I feel secure knowing that Mistress R and I aren't looking to go down that path makes me feel safe enough to enjoy the fantasy?
But then yet again, you may recall that I wrote a while back about an overwhelmingly intense moment I had in one of our sessions when I was so deep in sub-space that I was genuinely ready to do whatever Mistress R asked of me (and for the record she was making me suck her strap-on at the time). That experience was both wonderful and genuinely scary, and still leaves me wondering what I would be capable of doing for Mistress R if she wanted something that is generally considered 'outside our comfort zone'.
I still don't know the answer to this, but if Mistress R wanted something and she found the right way to guide me towards it... well, I'm not even sure I want to think about that!
So, to sum up, I still am confused by the fact that cuckolding stories and captions turn me on... but I guess there's plenty of other fantasies that people have that they know they don't want to experience for real, particular ones in which 'loss of control' is a major element. So I guess the thing to do is to accept it for what it is, and enjoy reading other people's experiences, fiction and captions without feeling threatened by it.

5 Reasons Sarah Jameson loves male chastity...

I imagine a lot of you will have received an email today from Sarah Jameson citing the '5 Things She Loves About Male Chastity', if you haven't I can tell you the ones that caught my eye were:

1. I love how it's brought John and me even closer together... and probably goes a long way to keeping us that way. It's not just about the sex, or even the chastity. It's opened up a whole side of both of us, especially in terms of the communication.

I totally agree with this, I feel like Mistress R and I are closer than we've ever been, and we're the kind of couple who go to parties and spend all night talking to each other! Seriously, we are quite bad at socialising. We got put on the end of a table at a wedding once because the bride's mother knew we'd only talk to each other anyway, hahaha. Even so, these last few months I feel that we've been closer than ever and that's just one of the reasons I love male chastity too!

5. Knowing John is aching to cum... but can't and won't be doing so until the New Year. I admit, I was unsure at first, and I still don't profess to understand it all fully at all, but I've come to love knowing how much he wants to feel that most delicious of all releases... but simply isn't going to. For me, there's nothing quite like the groaning and begging of a long tease and denial session to put a smile on my face, lol. I can but wonder how amazing it's going to be when I eventually let him come. Assuming I do of course ;-)

Don't you just hate him (only kidding!)... which reminds me, I really must show Mistress R some of those teasing tricks in Sarah's 'How to Drive Your Man Insane With Desire' book... you can get it free by going here. I suggest you get it while you still can, because apparently it won't be free for ever.

So lucky...

I've just spent a lovely hour in bed with Mistress R, which included a lovely orgasm for her and a wonderful session of teasing for me... I am so, so lucky. I love cuddling up to her afterwards, kissing her and just feeling her close to me, I could have stayed there all night... ah well, just four more days until Saturday. I do hope Mistress calls on my services before then though...
And what of Saturday, I see that the 'Ruined Orgasm' option is creeping up in the poll now, but I still remain convinced only 3 of you are going to be getting your wish. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe Mistress R is starting to think of extending my denial? It was a surprise when she pushed it back a week, so what's to stop her doing it again?
Maybe she'll go the whole session letting me believe I'm going to be allowed to cum, then ruin my orgasm and then make me wait another month! Ooooh, that's evil and hot!
Well, maybe not just yet, but give it a few more months... and who knows. I never dreamed Mistress R would make me wait this long, although of course I wanted her to (and much more!), and it definitely seems to be making both of us very, very happy, so why not?

Only 2 of you...

...out of 32 voters, want me to have a lovely satisfying orgasm on Saturday! How mean is that? Albeit, I didn't vote for that myself,so...  ahem. Well it seems to be turning into a two horse race with 'another week' and 'another month' level on eleven votes a piece, but 'ruined orgasm' isn't out of the running yet, with a healthy eight votes (including mine).
If you do think I deserve the pleasure of feeling twenty eight days worth of cum spurt from my aching cock on Saturday, then vote accordingly. Not that it necessarily means anything... Mistress R doesn't take orders from anyone!
Perhaps it might change your minds if you knew that if I do get to cum, then I'll have to lick it up? Hmmm...

A different perspective, leads to clarity...

Read a fantastic post this afternoon on the 'Male Chastity Lifestyle Forum' (which is open to people who have bought Sarah Jameson's book 'Be Careful What You Wish For'). It was quite a long and detailed post relating the authors lengthy realisation (over twenty plus years) that he craved to be controlled and denied by his wife. It all started with a story he read in a magazine when he was seventeen, about a guy who finds photos of his wife sucking another man's cock. He confronts her about the photo's, but admits that it turns him on and she sucks him off before telling him she's going to do it again the next day and get him some more photo's.

This led the author to think that he craved being cuckolded, but when it actually happened to him (with a girlfriend before he was married) he found that he didn't get the satisfaction from it that he thought he would, but yet he would still fantasize about it... which left him very confused. I'm sure a lot of us can relate to this, I know I can. I sometimes worry that Mistress R could easily get the impression that I desperately want her to cuckold me, considering my writing and the captions I have made recently, but I definitely don't... and even if I did I know damn well that I couldn't cope with it. So I for one totally understand where this guy is coming from (he later mentions that he now realises that he knows he couldn't cope with being cucked by his now wife of twenty years).

Eventually he came to realise that what actually turned him on about the story wasn't the fact that the woman had cuckolded the guy, but it was the fact that she was going to go and do it again the next day, knowing that her husband would be staying at home waiting for her. Or to put it another way, it was the fact that the woman was going to be getting pleasure while the guy was waiting and not getting any - sound familiar? Once he recognised his fantasy for what it really was, the cuckolding part of it diminished significantly and he eventually came clean to his wife about his chastity fantasy and is now very much enjoying being kept chaste by his wife for weeks at a time (tellingly, although he had waited so long before telling his wife, she didn't think it was all that 'kinky', and so now he feels foolish for waiting so long, and wasting literally years when he could have been living the way he wanted to).

Because he also feels that 'touching his cock' is 'cheating' and because he wants her to have total control of his cock they are currently moving towards using a CB-6000 to make sure that he can't touch his cock unless she allows it. As my regular readers will know, I understand this very well, as I continue to fail quite badly at the no touching thing, even though I am quite proud of myself for managing to resist making myself cum for, oooh 24 days now... which is why I continue to be frustrated at the seemingly hopeless dream of being locked properly.

Anyway, that's a separate matter... what really struck me about this whole piece was how much I 'got' what this guy was saying, and how much I relate to it. When I write stories or make captions about cuckolding it's not that I want Mistress R to have sex with someone else, it's simply that I want Mistress R to have all the pleasure while denying me mine. Mistress R knows full well that if she wanted me to I would literally go down on her every single night. Nothing makes me happier than making her cum, especially if she teases me and doesn't let me cum, so it stands to reason that cuckolding fantasies would work along the same lines (she's getting all the pleasure, etc etc), it's just making the fantasy bigger isn't it. How many times do you read cuckolding fantasies where the wife suddenly allows her 'bull' to take her anally, even though he's (obviously) hung like a horse and she's never shown the slightest inclination before? Again it's playing to the same fantasy only once again it's upping the ante, now it's not just 'I get all the pleasure', it's also 'not only do I get all the pleasure but he gets the pleasure I would never allow you'. 

I'm not suggesting that all cuckold fantasists feel the same way, I'm sure a lot of them are just into watching their wives fuck someone else and seeing another cock pentrate and give pleasure to their wives, or they actually like the thought of their wife cheating on them. But for those of us who feel a bit confused by the contradiction between our fantasies and our real feelings it makes a lot of sense...

Voting in the polls...

Well, after a promising start (with the 'ruined orgasm' option getting the early lead), as it stands you lot have voted for me to have to wait another month... which, I could live with... Not that the divine Mistress R is likely to take the opinion of a bunch of lowly subbies to heart. The very idea! Still, keep voting if you haven't already and who knows, maybe you'll convince her?

Nice to see that 70% of you reckon that your partner's orgasm is more fulfilling for you than your own. It certainly makes me feel a little less of a freak. Like most of you I'm sure, it's not that I don't enjoy my own orgasms, it's just that making Mistress R cum is the single best thing in the world for me... it just floods me with contentedness and happiness, so much so that even when I'm in the kind of position I am now (23 days without one myself) Mistress R's orgasm is still more important to me than my own, and indeed if Mistress R came up the stairs right now and said 'Do you want to cum, or do you want to make me cum', I wouldn't even need to think about it.
I guess this result is largely a product of the demographic though, I mean given that a lot of us aren't having that many of our own, we're bound to refocus our attention on our lovely Mistress's pleasure aren't we? I can't imagine the same result if you put that poll on, say, Maxim's website, can you?

More writing...

Managed to add a couple of thousand words to my Femdom Cave book last night. Seemed like hard work, I guess ignoring it for two weeks isn't the way to keep the juices flowing. Still I'm over 21,000 words now and I'm sure I could make that a few more if I actually went back and filled in some of the finer details (which I'm not going to do until I've finished the first draft).
In my eagerness to include an earlier than planned cuckolding scene I've gone somewhat off my original plan, and to be honest I'd only planned so far into the book anyway, partly because I knew I'd never stick to it...
Hmm, and I still have to write the difficult scene that I put off writing before, only now it's from a different angle, which might make it a little easier, we'll see... maybe I can get some writing done this evening, after my appointment with Mistress Motivator!
Mmmm, Mistress R in lycra. Much more fun than walking, even with an iPod.

23 days...

So, like I said before, every day is a new record now, and as much as I obviously do want to cum, I have to say there's a part of me that hopes Mistress R stops at the last minute on Saturday, or perhaps the last second... (or the second after that).
There's something indescribably delicious about being denied this long and as much as I know that when Mistress starts to stroke me towards that inevitable orgasm, I will want to cum more than I've ever wanted to cum in my life, at the same time, I would probably beg her to make me wait if I thought it would make any difference. Sadly your votes are unlikely to make a difference either, but I still want to know what you think, and who knows, maybe Mistress R will be swayed if enough of you vote?
Can you guess what I voted for?

An extra poll for you...

Just out of interest (because I'm sure Mistress R will make up her own mind), what would you like to see happen to me on Saturday?

1) A lovely hard, satisfying orgasm.
2) A frustrating ruined orgasm
3) Wait another week
4) Wait another month

Voting takes place underneath the blue 'Keyheld' banner as usual.

Another video added...

Longer compilation of ruined orgasms, see 'Videos' page.

Okay, so I've closed down the poll early...

Because, well, it wasn't that interesting really and I don't see the results changing over the next three days... besides I have a new poll I really do think is more interesting and worthwhile. But for the record, 53% of you like shaven pussies, 32% like it nicely trimmed and 15% of you like the natural look. So no big surprise really then...
Okay, so my new poll is a bit more challenging and I would like you to think about it a little before you vote, because I really do want to know your honest opinions (comments of course are always welcome on this blog).
My question then, is this...
Which is more satisfying to you: your orgasms, your partner's orgasms, or are they about the same? I realise this is a bit of a difficult question, what I mean is... which leaves you the most deeply satisfied? And perhaps you might honestly ask yourself this question before you vote, if you had to choose between giving your partner an orgasm and having one yourself which would you chose most of the time?
Voting takes place in the usual place, under the blue 'Keyheld' banner.

This weeks poll...

The votes keep coming, but the outlook stays broadly the same... a little over half of you like a fully shaved pussy, roughly a third of you like them nicely trimmed and the remainder go for a natural look. Still three days to go though, but I'm betting it's not going to change much.
I have an interesting poll in mind for next time, something that intrigues me... and it will be very interesting to see the results in due course.

BOOK REVIEW: The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue...

Mistress R always asks why I read books like these, because she had no complaints. But that's hardly the point, is it? In the highly competitive world of pussy eating, if you're standing still, you're going backwards... or is that Formula One?
Anyway, seeing as cunnilingus is almost certainly my favourite thing in the world ever (even better than Hotel Chocolat Caramel Cheesecake Chocolates), it stands to reason that I like to be well read in that area, not least because I genuinely aspire to pussy eating greatness. If there was a world championship of cunnilingus, my dream would be to on the top step of that podium, and despite Mistress R's claims to the contrary, I'm sure I'm a long way from Olympic standard yet (watch out for those damned Eastern Europeans!).
So yes, I have read a few books on this topic... and the best one is still 'She Comes First'.
This one is okay though, and perhaps a bit easier to read. The tone is relaxed and the advice seems pretty sound. There's even some BDSM type tips for pain play, though I don't think Mistress R is going to be up for any pussy slapping or multiple peg zip-lines. In fact lets hope she doesn't ask me what a 'multiple peg zip-line' is, because I don't fancy it either!
So yeah, if you've never read a book on this subject, this is probably a pretty good bet really... but if you have, this probably won't be that useful.

4/1 at last...

It's been a while coming, but Mistress R has now had 4 orgasms for every one of mine since the 1st April, and it's only going to get less fair I'm sure...
Why? Well, if we look at the stats in closer detail we find that in April I was permitted 4 orgasms, in May 2, and June's looking likely to be 1 or perhaps 2 if Mistress R is feeling particularly generous (although from the look in her eyes earlier when she said 'no, you're not cumming yet', I very much doubt it!).
I don't have a record of when all of Mistress R's orgasms have taken place, but I do know that Mistress R has had approximately 2 a week for the last twelve weeks. So using that to formulate a rough guide, we can see that in April Mistress R had 9 orgasms to my 4, in May she had 9 orgasms to my 2, and in June so far she's had 6 to my 0.
Looking at it like that, 4/1 seems rather generous, doesn't it?
Of course this is all somewhat meaningless, because Mistress R can change her mind whenever she wants. So if she wanted to, she could make me cum twice tonight, twice tomorrow night, and twice every night for the rest of the week... but I very much doubt it. I think she's starting to enjoy it far too much to do that!
Mmmm, life is good... and it's only going to get better, because tomorrow night is my first night with Mistress R as my personal trainer and not only will I get to watch her exercising in tight clothing (yum!), but I will also be taking the first step to a new, slimmer, fitter, hornier me. I've seen enough of so-called 'Doctor' Gillian McKeith's programmes to know that when you lose weight your sex drive improves (that's why she's always force feeding porkers like me Pumpkin seeds), and I'm certainly looking forward to that, even though I know it's only really going to make things harder for me... (bring it on!)
Plus I'm reliably informed that when your body looks smaller it makes your cock look bigger, and I'm all for that! I mean I've already done the pube trimming thing, I'm running out of tricks (hahaha). And of course the slimmer I get, and the bigger my cock looks, the more likely Mistress R is to want to tease me every single night until I'm a gibbering wreck (at least that's what I'm telling myself).
Well, probably not, but hey, at least I've got some new Nike shorts to make myself feel good!

6th of June...

That's the last time I wrote any of my book. How can that be possible! Dammit, I was supposed to get so much done this week and it just hasn't happened. Mind you, in a way it's good because over the last fortnight I've come up with a nice little twist and stepped off the previously fairly linear story line a little. I've run my idea by Mistress R and she thinks it's a good next move as it presents an opportunity for an additional cuckolding scene.
Mistress R also commented to me the other day that she thinks I should try writing a normal book as she thinks I could easily write a better chic-lit book than Matt Dunn... and there's probably some actual money in it, hahaha!

Five days...

Just realised that it's been five days since I've been allowed to worship Mistress R's beautiful pussy, or felt her hand on my cock! If this is what happens when you have time off work, I'm glad I'm going back tomorrow!

One other thing I forgot to mention...

...yesterday on the train home when we were talking about Christmas, I said to Mistress R that if she keeps up her current rate, she would have had about 80 orgasms by then. I then said jokingly 'I wonder if I will have made it into double-figures', to which she replied 'that's a bit ambitious isn't it?', which of course could be taken two ways...

After tomorrow, every day will be...

...a new record for me. Because tomorrow I will hit 22 days again and equal my previous record. However, it seems that there's no good me thinking I'm going to beat it by a day or two because Mistress R has made it pretty clear that I'm not going to be coming before next Saturday, and even then who knows for sure? There's nothing to stop her from extending it further if that's what she chooses to do. I have no say in it whatsoever, and that's just the way it should be.
I'm feeling pretty beat right now, London was exhausting as usual... the 'London Bridge Experience' is pretty rubbish (and expensive) but the Egyptian statues in the British Museum were pretty damn cool. Mistress R gave my cock a little rub on the train home, which was nice. I was telling her how much I loved that she just decided to add another week to my chastity period, how I loved that my orgasms are now completely in her hands, and how I'm now really starting to feel like she has taken control properly. Just talking about it made me hard, as Mistress found out... hehehe.
Earlier, on a tube station platform, we were talking about my weightloss and how much I will have lost by Christmas, and I joked 'Is that when my year of denial starts then?', and she said 'You wouldn't really want that would you?'. I just gave the only answer I could really, 'It's not up to me...', and as far as I'm concerned it isn't, if she decided she wanted to do that I would agree, without a doubt. But while on one hand part of me thinks it's super-hot, I seriously doubt I would have the willpower to do that without a chastity device, so we'd need to sort that out first.
Anyway, I think that's maybe jumping ahead a bit, as I'm still yet to beat twenty two days (although I know it's coming!). This coming week will certainly be a hard one, if you'll pardon the pun!

Escort letters...

For some reason, I know not why, I have been sent a copy of Escort Letters magazine. I did not ask for this, but I do have subscriptions to both 'Desire presents BDSM' and 'Foreplay' magazine, and I am assuming that I have been sent this in error. At first I thought, oh well, letters are usually good and this has got nothing but letters in it. However, on closer inspection, it really is a load of old crap. There's probably a hundred or more letters in this magazine, but they take about 40 seconds to read. Seriously, who's wanking to these letters? Perhaps they should retitle the magazine 'Premature Ejaculator Monthly' or something? And the letters, such as they are, really could be written by chimps. Seriously, this is the level of letter writing we are talking about:

"When I was 18 I went to a disco with my boyfriend, he was really boring, I got pissed and met these three blokes. They took me out the back and they all fucked me one after another, in both holes. I was a virgin and I came four times. With each bloke. And they all had massive cocks. True story."

Seriously, that is about the size of it, over and over again. Does that turn you on at all, because that didn't cause so much as a tremor in my groin area, and I haven't cum for nearly three weeks!!! Jesus.

You can wait another week...

This morning I commented to Mistress R that this was the day we had originally intended to have our Femdom session (and I was probably 'supposed' to cum'). She said 'Yes, but you can wait another week can't you... otherwise you'll have to be locked up'. I know the 'locked-up' bit wasn't serious, but it was still nice to hear and more importantly 'you can wait another week can't you' certainly wasn't phrased as a question.
It feels so good that Mistress R is really taking control of my orgasms now, because although she has had control over them for two and a half months already, somehow this is the first time that I've really felt that it's not up to me anymore. And that is a wonderful feeling. Because when she said about moving the session, she told me that she had already decided that she wanted to make me wait another week longer than I was expecting, and truth be told, although I really do want to cum next Saturday, if she decides to make me wait another week, that would feel pretty amazing too.
No orgasms or teasing to report today, so far... and not likely tomorrow I shouldn't think... maybe Sunday will be more fruitful.
I'm looking forward to starting my diet and exercise regime actually, Mistress R is going to be my personal trainer and I'm looking forward to ogling her awesome bottom when she's bending over and stuff, hehehe.

Don't forget to vote...

Don't forget to vote in the new poll, so far 'shaven' and 'trimmed' are pretty much even stevens, but there's a long way to go yet...

Latest thoughts on the CB-3000...

I didn't try the CB-3000 last night, I went back to my Oxballs Cocksling instead. I think that until my balls are a little looser it's always going to be a struggle, so I think I'll concentrate on that for now. We could still use the CB3000 in our upcoming Femdom session if Mistress R wants to, but I don't see it being practical for everyday use anytime soon. Still massively impressed with the cocksling, it's the most comfortable, most practical and easiest to fit cockring I've ever tried, even when you're fully hard. It really is a brilliant bit of kit.
It's not cheap, but I'd rather pay good money for a good product than pennies for useless rubbish. As Benjamin Franklin once said, "The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of a low price is forgotten."

Just received my latest book...

After reading about it on Mistress 160's website, I decided to order it and see if it really was as good as they claimed. I shall let you know in due course... in the meantime check out what she said about it here

That time of the night...

"At that time of the night, when streetlights throw crosses through windowpanes...".

Ah good old Marillion... Only in my case it wasn't so much streetlights throwing crosses through windowpanes, it was more like the beginning of a new day! Why oh why did I think it was a good idea to stay up until 3:15 this morning? It was starting to get light FFS! And then the birds started tweeting... aargh, shut up you feathery bastards!
Despite this, I awoke this morning to the thoroughly beautiful sight of Mistress R, half on top of the bedclothes, sleeping peacefully and amazingly, despite the monumental tiredness I was experiencing, as I looked at her I realised my cock was absolutely rock hard, the tip coated with a liberal sheen of pre-cum... I guess that's what nineteen days of chastity does for you, and I've still got another nine to go (or maybe more?) and I'm, loving it, loving it, loving it!
Hmmm, last night's foot worship was an absolute joy for sure, but I hope it won't be too much longer before Mistress R demands my tongue in a more... can't think of a clever euphemism so I'll just say 'pussy based scenario', haha. I really am a complete addict, and I don't care who knows it!

New video added...

New video added on the video page (top of the list).

Mmm, Mistress R's beautiful feet...

Lucky, lucky me. Mistress R just allowed me to worship her beautiful soft feet for nearly twenty minutes. My lips are still tingling as I write this and my cock has just about settled down again after being pressed into the carpet all that time. I love her so much, it's times like these that I think I would do anything she wanted me to, no matter how filthy or perverted...

Speaking of which, some of you may have noticed a couple of the captions I have made recently have a bit of a w/s theme, something which I don't broach too often on this here blog, and I thought I would share with you something which made quite an impact on me the first time I read it, even if the effect has somewhat diminished with repeated readings. It's from a story from Literotica called 'She Expects That I Obey Her' by 'wants2bsub'. The story itself is a solid cuckold tale, but there's one passage in the story that really got to me, and I'm not even sure that it's what is said so much as the impact of the way the female character speaks to her husband and the casual attitude she takes to what is quite a strong statement...

"...I go back into the bathroom and see Jenny sitting on the toilet to urinate. I grab her some squares of toilet paper and stand waiting for her to finish. She looks at me, takes the toilet paper, and throws it on the ground in front of me. "I think we are beyond this." She stands with her legs spread slightly. For the first time ever she has me lick clean the urine that was left on her pussy. "Next time, I'll just piss right in your mouth," she says as she lifts herself away from me and walks to the sink. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

Like I said, repeated readings have diminished the impact for me somewhat, but I love the attitude, it's a great piece of Femdom writing. It illustrates perfectly what I was talking about the other day (my post about AtAllTimes), nothing is hotter than a woman who expects her pleasure to be your utmost priority, even (or perhaps especially) if that means she's pushing the boundaries of what you might consider acceptable. After all, the whole impact of that passage would be completely lost if the woman showed any hesitation or sought any kind of agreement from her slave... the way it's written is just hot, hot, hot!

  

Anyway, if you want to read the rest of this story (and I'm betting you do) you can find it right here

Well, we've done it again. Another new daily pageviews record, 2586 in one day... how is this possible? I really don't understand how it isn't slowing down. Not that I'm complaining, but please, please use the comments boxes and let me know your thoughts on all my ramblings, thanks!

I've had to reset the poll again...

Apologies to those who have already voted, but the poll wasn't working properly again, so I've had to reset it. That's the second time it's done that recently. Bloody useless thing...

This weeks poll is finished...

Okay, so I finished it a few minutes early but you've had a week to vote. Final result of the 'favourite place to worship' poll was as follows, Legs polled a miserable 3% of the vote, feet (my own personal choice) polled a surprisingly low 19% of the vote, breasts took a third of the votes and the clear winner with 42% of the votes cast was buttocks.
Now I hope all you who voted for buttocks read my note that when I said buttocks, I meant buttocks, and not your partner's puckered hole... just so we're all on the same page (perhaps I should do a poll asking whether you lot like tongue your partners 'puckered hole', but I feel sure it would be something of a foregone conclusion, so I won't bother). I still can't quite believe 'feet' polled so lowly, especially since it seems the most submissive of those choices, still, can't win 'em all I suppose.
So this time I'm going for the old 'natural / trimmed / shaved' question instead. So, since if you're in chastity there's a good chance you spend a lot of time face to face with your good lady's furry bits (or perhaps not so furry bits in a lot of cases), how do you like your pussy? Apart from warm, wet and dripping with cum, obviously... hehehehehe.
Voting takes place in the usual place just under the blue Keyheld banner. What are you waiting for?
Oh and for the record, I wanted to vote 'shaven' but Mistress R informs me that that is incorrect... bah!

New weightloss blog...

So the new blog is up and running, only one post there so far and it won't really get going until the weekend. You can visit by clicking the red picture of Mistress R on the right...

Of towels, ratios and the SPD-3000...

I can't remember how many orgasms Mistress R has had since I had my sixth, but it feels like a lot (it's got to be five or six). She only needs one more to achieve a ratio of 4 to 1 for the first time since we started this, and I have a feeling it's not going to be too long before it's 5/1, then 6/1, then 7/1... I very much hope so!

Mistress R loves her new towel service, I wonder if that played some small part in her deciding to extend my chastity period? After all, Mistress R is obviously starting to see the benefits of having her husband under her control...

Just had my second thirty minutes in the CB-3000, or as I am starting to think of it, the Skin Pinching Device! I put the spacer in this time, which I forgot before and really, what does it do, except exist to create another skin pinching area? For some reason I couldn't sit comfortably with it tonight, which was annoying. I tell you, if I didn't love the idea of Mistress R having my key and being able to take temptation completely out of my hands I would give up. Maybe it will be better when I've lost some weight?

Well, now I know...

A few hours ago I was in my absolute favourite place, face down on the bed tasting Mistress R's delicious pussy. After I brought her to a nice hard climax she had me lay on my back and sucked and jerked my cock for several minutes (I don't know how long, but I have noticed that Mistress seems to be watching the clock a lot lately, as if she's already decided how much time she's going to give me), the amazing thing was that every time I was starting to think about telling her I was getting close, she would slow down and keep me the right side of having to ask her to stop. I really don't know how she did that, maybe it was luck, but it was pretty cool all the same.
After she'd decided I'd had enough... we lay together for a while and she said she thought it would be a good idea if we moved the Femdom session back to a week on Saturday, and was I okay with that. Then she said 'I don't know why I'm asking you...', we had a laugh about that, but yes I don't know why she's asking me either! Anyway, so she added that one of the reasons she wanted to move it was that she wanted to add another week to my denial. So there it is, I'm not going to cum for another eleven days, on top of the seventeen I've already waited... giving me a new record of 28 days, six more than before (and that's assuming that she doesn't change her mind when it comes down to it).
How much cum will there be after 28 days? Cos I know I'm going to have to eat it... oh fuck, I don't care. I love that Mistress R is extending my chastity period and I love that she didn't ask me if that was 'okay' or 'if I could handle it', true she did ask me if it was okay to move the session, which she didn't need to do, but hopefully next time she won't...
After a really tough, hot, long walk this afternoon, this evening really has been quite wonderful!

Mistress R's sneaky plan...

There is talk that our Femdom session may be put back until Saturday the 25th of June, primarily because Mistress R and I are already feeling the effects of being on holiday, eating too much, drinking too much and going to bed too late... or perhaps it's just a sneaky way of Mistress R adding another 8 days to my chastity period?
We shall see...

Another new record...

Yesterday we had 2503 page views, which is a new record for the blog. This means that June is well on course to outstrip May and we'll probably be hitting 100,000 p/v's by the weekend. And still the blog is only ten weeks old. Unbelievable!
Last night I finally took advantage of my second 'chance'. So just after one in the morning I was allowed to stroke my cock for three minutes. Mistress R wasn't participating in any way other than to keep an eye on the clock and it felt kind of weird laying next to her doing that. But kinda nice at the same time...
Guess I'll be having another thirty minutes in the CB-3000 later. Got to get used to it sooner or later, after all.

30 mins in the CB-3000...

So I just had my first thirty minutes in the CB-3000 and... well, it's not too bad actually. Like the first time it seems to rub my nutsack up the wrong way and by the end it felt like my balls were getting a little crushed, so maybe I do need the longer pin after all. It's obviously not that noticeable under clothing as Mistress R didn't know I was wearing it until I told her. She then asked to see it and, well she didn't exactly look turned on...
I dunno. I really like the feeling of having my cock completely out of bounds, and the thought of experiencing that for some time before having Mistress R tease me is such a turn on because I can't imagine how amazing that would feel, but at the same time I completely fail to see how anyone could wear it all the time. I know you get used to it and all that but... at the moment I can't see it. But like most people I imagine, although my first instinct is to think, this is stupid even trying to wear this, I do want it to work because I really would love Mistress R to have total control of my cock and I don't see how else that is possible.

Hmm, so...

Mistress R has just read my earlier posts and the upshot is that she thinks I need to start wearing my CB-3000 and getting used to it so that when she does decide to make me wear it I will have got used to it. That's a turn up for the books!!!

Not so much carrot and stick...

Mistress and I were having a laugh on the way to the shopping trip this morning, discussing the night out we had with our friends at the weekend and how I will explain the dramatic amount of weight I will shortly be losing. Okay yes, a little presumptuous perhaps, but given that Mistress has told me in no uncertain terms that my continued chastity experience depends on me putting in some effort and getting results, and that results will be rewarded with 'treats' I feel like I am in a very good place to really find my motivation! So it's more of a carrot and paddle situation then, or perhaps a dildo and paddle situation if you prefer.
Oh, and another thing, the other night while waiting for our friends to arrive at the restaurant Mistress and I were talking about my recent posts and she asked why I had written that I thought it unlikely that she would lock me up in the CB-3000. I confess I was a little taken aback at this since she has been pretty much against the thing from the word go and I thought it was pretty obvious why I thought this. Hmm. So, I still haven't actually worn it since that night and my main concern is that Mistress will suddenly decide to have me wear it and then it will be a disaster because I haven't had chance to get used to it. I mean maybe she will have me wear it to start our Femdom session on Friday (if it happens then) and that will probably only be a few minutes while I worship her feet or something and that will be fine (assuming I can get the thing on, it took me several goes the first time). But what I don't want is for her to suddenly want me to wear it in three weeks time with no warning and no chance to get used to it. Sad as it is to say, chastity devices are much like anal sex, best attempted after sufficient preparation, otherwise likely to result in great discomfort...

Little things...

I read a post on 'At All Times' blog earlier today, and he really hit on something that a lot of men in our position seem to come up against sooner rather than later. What he was complaining about was that his wife doesn't understand that he wants his chastity to be led by her, and how frustrating he finds this. It's a little thing to him I suppose, he wants her to tell him that he isn't allowed to cum, rather than asking him if he wants to be denied. This is something that happened to me right at the very start of my chastity experience and thankfully I was able to get across to Mistress R that being asked was not good and we haven't looked back since. I can only say that  the only way to overcome this is communication, albeit it does seem that 'AAT' is fighting a bit of a losing battle in this regard. It's quite heartbreaking really, because here is a guy who wants nothing more than to serve his wife and treat her like a Princess and she really doesn't seem to get it at all. But his blog does give some fascinating insights into the differences between men and women and at times he does analyse his own behaviour and conclude that perhaps as much as he thinks he's giving her everything he could give her, it may not actually be what she wants.
I am nowhere near as... obsessed (and I mean no disrespect by using that word) with 'serving' Mistress R as 'AAT' is with his wife, and yet I do find myself doing little things lately that I perhaps wouldn't have done before Mistress R took control of my orgasms. For instance I have noticed that I now make a point of unlocking Mistress R's car door and opening it for her, instead of getting in myself and unlocking her door from the inside. I don't know why I've suddenly started doing this, it was just something I found myself doing. I guess I used to do this before I had a car with central locking and since the central locking packed up on my current car I've just got into this bad habit.
Similarly, the last couple of days I have been in the shower before Mistress R (she is usually in the shower when I get home from work) and I have taken to getting her towels out for her and folding them neatly before placing them in the bathroom. Again I'm not really sure why I started doing this, it's just a little thing that makes me feel like I am serving her in some very small way. Which seems particularly important on the days when I am not able to serve her in the way I would really like to.
All this said, I have no intention of becoming a slave in the sense of doing all the housework and all that kind of thing. For the most part my willing submission is purely sexual, I am quite prepared to do my share but I'm not going to be hand-washing Mistress's panties in a maid's uniform any time soon, I can assure you!

Holidays...

As some of you may know Mistress R and I are on holiday this week, albeit we are not going 'away' on holiday. So today we went to a big shopping centre which proved a little less satisfactory than usual. I did get everything on my list, although it was almost entirely dull and unexciting things I was looking for, probably the most 'fun' thing was a pair of Nike exercise shorts for the diet and exercise regime which is due to kick in on Saturday (along with my new blog of course). In fact probably the best bit of the whole trip was listening to three awesome Zeromancer albums on my iPod one after another!
Poor Mistress R couldn't find anything she wanted, save for one solitary paperback (she couldn't even find three to get a deal!) and she failed to find any strappy sandals to show off her lovely feet. Damn and blast. There's plenty of them of course but they only come in two heel sizes, flat and fucking stupid. Of course she would look awesome in the latter, but I know from seeing her in her plexiglass stripper shoes (as seen on the photographs) that walking in them is nigh on impossible. Surely shoe manufacturers of the world should be able to work out that not everyone wants five inch heels, or is that just too much like common sense?
So anyway, we left earlier than expected and having eaten rather a lot over the course of the day I don't think either of us are feeling particularly amorous, even though Mistress R knows that I am ALWAYS ready to service her whenever she wants me to, day or night, 24/7! I think I might suggest a day of healthy eating tomorrow, otherwise we'll end up going another day without any sexy fun, and that's not good. Okay I know it's only been since Saturday, but still, I need my fix of Mistress R's sweet nectar dammit!

30 Minutes in the CB3000

So I just had my first thirty minutes in the CB-3000 and… well, it’s not too bad actually. Like the first time it seems to rub my nutsack up the wrong way and by the end it felt like my balls were getting a little crushed, so maybe I do need the longer pin after all. It’s obviously not that noticeable under clothing as Mistress R didn’t know I was wearing it until I told her. She then asked to see it and, well she didn’t exactly look turned on…

I dunno. I really like the feeling of having my cock completely out of bounds, and the thought of experiencing that for some time before having Mistress R tease me is such a turn on because I can’t imagine how amazing that would feel, but at the same time I completely fail to see how anyone could wear it all the time. I know you get used to it and all that but… at the moment I can’t see it. But like most people I imagine, although my first instinct is to think, this is stupid even trying to wear this, I do want it to work because I really would love Mistress R to have total control of my cock and I don’t see how else that is possible.

Star-sign shenanigans...

So, we've had twenty two votes now, which is quite enough I think, for a very unscientific analysis. On the face of it, there appears no clear winner, albeit Libra (along with Taurus) does seem a likely star-sign for a submissive male to have...
Just to recap, the results are as follows:

Libra and Taurus = 4
Gemini, Virgo and Capricorn = 3
Aquarius = 2
Sagittarius, Aries and Leo = 1
Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces = 0

Which doesn't look particularly skewed to any massive degree. However, what is kind of interesting is that:

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces are all 'Water' signs
Sagittarius, Aries and Leo are all 'Fire' signs
Aquarius, Libra and Gemini are all 'Air' signs
Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn are all 'Earth' signs

Which tends to suggest that 'Air' and 'Earth' signs (with 19 out of 22 votes!!!) make the most likely submissives, and presumably then 'Water' and 'Fire' signs make the most likely dominants (which is interesting because Mistress R is an Aries / Fire). So maybe there is something to this after all!