Saturday 6 October 2012

I no longer crave denial...

It's been over eighteen months now.... eighteen months since I gave complete control to Mistress R, eighteen months since I was allowed to make myself cum, to ask for penetration, or even touch my cock! The weird thing is, it seems totally normal now... which is how it should be I guess. Although I am somewhat surprised that we've never looked back, never had a break from it, never had second thoughts - either of us.
When I started this process, it never really occurred to me to think 'years' ahead... about how I would feel if Mistress R not only granted my request for orgasm control, but barred me from initiating penetration and touching my cock without permission... seemingly indefinitely!
I can tell you one thing that has changed over the last few months or so, and that is that I no longer crave denial. Oh I still want Mistress R to control my orgasms and I still want her to tease and deny me for however long pleases her, but I no longer 'crave' denial, because denial is my everyday reality.
What I crave in the morning when I wake up hard, when Mistress R sucks, bites and slaps my cock, when I'm licking Mistress R's delicious pussy and feeling my rock hard cock pressed against the mattress, and when I go to bed hard again at night, is to cum.
I don't really think male chastity really comes into it's own until you reach this point, because at first it's all about denial, I want her to tease and deny me, I want her to make me wait... and until your partner becomes comfortable or gets 'on-board' that's the overriding 'want'. But it's not until some time later, when your partner has fully embraced the experience that you can stop thinking about that, and when you do, naturally you start focusing on the one thing that you can't have without permission.
I've found that going for these eighteen months with a release approximately every fourteen days on average and with no 'breaks', that my level of 'want' returns much quicker than it did at first. Now it's only about 48hrs or so until I'm back at quite a high level of desire, and it's not until probably the 3-4 week mark that there's any significant increase or change. I imagine this is probably some sort of cumulative effect of being repeatedly put back into chastity with no 'holiday' periods, though I've never heard anyone else in a similar situation mention the same thing.
Of course, this was what I always wanted, to be 'aching' to cum but having to wait for permission, but it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't gone through the process, how long it takes to get to that actual point. Or how worthwhile it is in the long run.

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