A little bit of back and forth...

Me and Good Hubby have been having a little bit of back and forth on his blog over the last twenty four hours, the culmination of which was him reminding me that not being allowed to masturbate isn't that big a problem since because he is the dominant partner in the relationship (it's very confusing...) he can simply order his wife to stimulate his cock for him. The sting in the tail is that she controls his orgasm... (as I said, it's pretty fucked up).
So anyway, the reason for all this was that one day GH was talking about long term orgasm denial and the next he was talking about a weekend of extreme domination for his wife NW, and it seemed to me that him not cumming was kind of handicapping his ability to give NW the weekend of utter submission she craved. Indeed, NW has given GH the right to cum as much as he wants that weekend, but he still insists he's not intending to do so...
Of course my situation is somewhat different, well, entirely different, lets be honest. And inevitably there's times when I do wonder exactly what I have got myself into. Take last night for example, after going down on  Mistress R and being left rock hard by her foot teasing antics, and then being teased a little more, we got up to watch TV for an hour before heading off to bed.
As I struggled to get to sleep I found myself thinking about earlier and expanding on it to the point where my cock was achingly hard and begging for attention. I was considering asking Mistress R for permission to touch my cock (early days I know, but it ached!) when I realised that she had actually managed to fall asleep (I wish I had a pound for every time that's happened in the last four months). Frustrated, I decided to get up as I plainly wasn't about to fall asleep, even though the window was open and I was getting the occasional waft of cool air. My cock and the heat were conspiring against me.
Of course I should have known this would lead me into a dangerous situation, and sure enough it wasn't more than fifteen minutes before I cracked and started to stroke my throbbing cock. I guess the memory of the paddle had faded enough to allow me to let my guard down, and so a good half hour (and numerous edges) later I returned to bed, a little less frustrated and tired enough to finally go to sleep.
Of course I regret it now, but the deed is done and I'll have to take the punishment when Mistress R decides to dish it out. But it's times like these when you do start to question the wisdom of handing all control to your partner. I mean, what was I thinking when I agreed that I wasn't allowed to touch my cock, or even to ask to be allowed to penetrate her? Not allowed to even 'ask'? Nope I just have to wait and hope that sooner or later she'll want me inside her... What kind of fool would agree to such a demand?
On the other hand, everything that I have said before about this stands, I'd rather be denied penetration than be 'indulged'. That is the worst of all options as far as I'm concerned. And as I've said before, reducing the amount of penetration allowed certainly makes it a spectacular sensation when it happens, and being allowed to cum inside Mistress R's beautiful pussy is now an 'event' rather than an everyday occurrence.
Over the last four months I estimate that I've been inside Mistress R seven or eight times. A couple of those times were full on fucking and resulted in memorable orgasms for me, and the rest have largely been fairly brief teasing. Only once in the last four months have I been on top, the one controlling the speed and force of my thrusts (fairly gentle actually since I had been denied for a while at that point, and I was wearing the cocksling which meant my cock was like an iron bar... still Mistress R certainly seemed to enjoy it!) and that one came to an end when Mistress R placed her hands on my chest, pushing me away until I slipped out of her, my aching cock still throbbing hard in the iron grip of the cocksling, desperate to unload, but not permitted to do so. I so loved that moment... and still do. And that is why, although I gave in to the desire to touch and edge myself, even though I know I will be punished for it, I still did not cross the line and give myself the one thing that only Mistress R is empowered to permit.
So yes, there are undoubtedly times when I doubt my choices, but ultimately I know I have made the right one. If this was an easy path then I know it wouldn't be half as rewarding when I reach that long awaited moment, the one when Mistress R finally tells me that I can release those weeks of pent up frustration and luxuriate in the intense pleasure of my long denied orgasm...
You can tell from my captions and writing that I fantasize about Mistress R being still more heartless, selfish about taking what she wants from me, denying me and keeping me frustrated by teasing me mercilessly until I ache for her, and I do believe that she has that potential within her. I have to constantly remind myself that it has only been four months since we really started doing this properly, and that it's not easy for her to reconcile that 'character' with the loving wife that she is.
When I read about Good Hubby putting his hands around NW's throat, I wince inside, knowing that I would find that incredibly difficult, even though it's plain that NW wants and needs to be treated that way (it makes her cum FFS!), I guess sooner or later you get used to the idea and then as confidence grows you start to give the other person what they really wants, in the way that you simply can't while you are still finding your feet.
Reading the Naked Husband's blog (here), it's clear that over the last year or so his wife has gradually come to accept that his cock is now her property, to be used for whatever pleases her. He is no longer in a position to 'fuck' her for his own pleasure, especially since he is locked in a chastity device.
I would love to know what the future holds for Mistress R and I, maybe a few years hence... or maybe it's better not to know. Maybe if I knew what was going to happen I would be panicking now... no perhaps it's better to experience the future slowly and gradually...