Just been reading a very interesting post on 'Denying Thumper', which tackles a feeling a lot of us probably experience at one time or another. This ties in with another post I was reading yesterday on the 'Secret Chastity Husband' blog, which was talking about the natural differences between men and women's sex drive and how it makes sense for the woman to choose when, as men are generally up for it most of the time. After all most of us know there's nothing less fulfilling than having sex with someone who's not really in the mood, it just ends up feeling empty and you wish you hadn't bothered.
But going back to Thumper's post, he was voicing his frustrations about male chastity and his need to be acknowledged and this paragraph really speaks volumes...
What I eventually was able to say to her is that I need to know she’s still involved in my chastity. That doesn’t mean, necessarily, that we’re having sex, but it does mean I still have an idea that she’s aware of my status and what I’m going through. The few simple words she gave me on her birthday are a good example, but then Friday night came along and, from what I could tell, a wide open window of opportunity presented itself for us to have sex, but we didn’t. No words, no explanation. She just sort of rolled over and that was that. It was very frustrating for me (and not in the good way) because I crave some really good, really sexy quality time with her. Badly. It’s not just that I want sex. I want connection. I want intimacy. I want to exchange our pleasures. I want to send a strong current of energy along whatever line binds us together. And, if she’s not in the mood for it, I need some recognition of that. Not explanation. Not apology (god, please, not that) just words. That she knows what I want and that it’s still not going to happen because she gets to choose and she chooses no. But in the absence of any of that, I am left to stew in my own juices (literally and figuratively). And that’s a Bad Thing.
I couldn't agree more, and it's a difficult thing for a woman to grasp I think. There's a very old Femdom/Chastity story that has been on the internet for years and kind of pops up all over the place every now and then. I don't actually like the story as I find it rather depressing as it basically details the life of two people whose relationship and sex life has gone almost completely down the pan, but one of the points it makes is that the woman isn't really into the idea of being a keyholder and she says to the guy something like 'Can't you just pretend that by us not having sex I'm denying you?'. The guy goes onto explain in pretty aggrieved language pretty much what Thumper has highlighted above.
When we assign control of our sex lives to a partner, we are saddling them with a lot of responsibility which they maybe don't quite appreciate or understand. I for one know exactly what Thumper is referring to, but like he says further into his post, his wife isn't always thinking of his 'situation', for her his chastity is something that pops into her head every now and then but for him it's 24hrs a day seven days a week.
The silly thing is that one really rather tiny acknowledgement from a keyholder can make all the difference between a disgruntled sub and a happy sub.
No comments:
Post a Comment