Or as we have now christened it, 'Princess Fiona's Tight Ass'...
So you may remember I commented on this product the other day, but we decided that it wasn't really a fair trial... So Mistress gave me a special dispensation to try the toy on my own for a few minutes (no cumming allowed of course!), which in a way I didn't really want to do, because it kind of goes against the spirit of what we are doing, but then on the other hand I wanted to give Eden Fantasys a fair review seeing as they had so kindly sent me this toy. And since I was allowed to cum yesterday anyway it seems a good time to do it before the denial kicks in again.
So, anyway this toy is called 'Carmen's Tight Ass' and my first thought was, who the hell is Carmen Hart? I mean I have never heard of her, and let's face it I'm a man with regular access to the internet, I know who most of these people are! So I Googled her and this is a picture of her (I like to know whose ass I'm pretending to fuck).
So now I feel like a bouncer at a night club, "Sorry love, I've never heard of you, now piss off... (and take your tight ass with you)".
So I Googled her some more and really found very little that warranted an anal toy, though at least the description is probably fairly accurate as there isn't very much evidence that 'Carmen's tight ass' has had much to do with any porn-star sized cocks... Which is, of course, somewhat beside the point, as ultimately they could just as easily have labelled this toy with whoever's name they wished, unless they are trying to tell me that they've actually moulded this toy from her actual anal cavity? Or perhaps it's just that all the porn stars renowned for their work in that, erm… field, already have their own product?
But I digress… This morning then I decided was as good a time as any to try out the pocket pussy as these things are called. So I pulled out a good story, fitted a cock-ring (because if last time was anything to go by, not using one was going to make it even more difficult) and some water based lube and got my cock nice and hard. Very hard in fact... it was a very good story. Then I slathered my cock with the lube and used my hand to warm it up and spread it evenly, so far so good.
Then I took hold of the toy and placed the small hole at the tip of my cock and pushed down. It went on a lot easier this time, probably because I used a lot more lube, and it didn’t feel at all unpleasant, but because my hand was now covered in lube it was kind of hard to keep hold of the bloody thing. Not only that but as soon as you let go it wants to push itself off your cock, which is a shame as I had originally envisaged Mistress R using it in our sessions as a hands free device while she sat on my face or did something else equally yummy.
It's also just so squidgy that it's actually quite hard to control, in fact I honestly think that if I was going to buy one of these things I would definitely go for something which had a firm outer casing (like a Fleshlight) as trying to hold onto this thing is a bit tricky, even once I'd got the lube off my hand, because it stretches around your cock and you end up wanking something about the diameter of a can of beans, which then makes it difficult to apply any kind of pressure because your fingers aren't 'closed' enough to get sufficient grip.
I have to admit though, that throughout the whole experience my over-riding thought was 'for fucks sake just take it off and use your hand!', which is not ideal is it?
And then there's the colour...
As I said in my previous post, the colour is quite disgusting and it doesn't really feel pleasant to the touch (I'm not surprised Mistress R didn't want to touch it, it's like holding blancmange), I'm also not too sure if the one I was sent slipped through the quality control department as despite the pristine appearance of the one in the picture, mine has the texture of a bath-sponge in places which suggests to me that there were air bubbles in the moulding process. This may not be an issue as far as the use of the toy goes, but it doesn't do much for the appearance of something which is already quite unappealing from an ascetic point of view. I mean who decided to make it that colour? Is it something to do with Carmen Hart being Brazilian perhaps? Cos all it makes me think of is Princess Fiona (and possibly Shrek - for the gay market).
So I think by now we've established that this toy really isn't for me. It looks pretty horrible, it feels quite nice, but it's awkward to use, and worst of all frankly I'd rather use my own hand. Despite this (and my reservations about Carmen Hart's eligibility to have an anal toy named after her seeing as I haven't seen any photographic evidence of her capabilities in that department) I have to say that I have never tried one of these things before so I'm not quite sure how it stacks up against its competition.
As for this particular one, I can't see it ever leaving the safety of the box ever again. It's too much hassle, for not enough payback, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to give this particular product the thumbs down.
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