Seventeen days and counting...

So as I alluded to in my earlier post, the chastity is now starting to bite (which makes me think of 'k' being locked up for five weeks and shuddering... but also feeling strangely envious). I love it and hate it at the same time. I want to cum, but at the same time I really don't. Of course on the surface I want Mistress to tell me she wants me to cum for her, but deep down I want her to make it so MUCH worse for me. I want her to tell me that she was going to let me cum but she's decided to make me wait longer. I want her to edge me (or to order me to edge for her) over and over until I can't stand it anymore. I want her to make me worship her feet and ass, knowing that doing this will make me hard and desperate for her. I want her to make me eat her pussy every morning and night and make her cum again and again, while my cock rubs against the sheets, begging for attention and release...
It's in this moment that I really envy those of you with a chastity device. Because frankly, it's getting harder and harder for me to resist touching my cock. And I'm losing that battle. The first week is relatively easy, the second a little harder, but the third is where it starts getting difficult, and that's where I am right now. I still haven't cum of course, but I've come SO FUCKING CLOSE it's not even funny. Which of course means that I am going to be in trouble on Sunday, because I have to write down all my touching infractions and admit them to Mistress R, and they are mounting up...
And the worst thing is I feel so bloody guilty! Because I really do want to obey my Mistress, but it's just so bloddy difficult. And once you've slipped up once it becomes even harder to get back on the straight and narrow. Which is why I said that I envy those of you with a device, because although you might have to deal with the frustration and the inconvenience of it, at least you don't have to deal with the disappointment of failure.
Perhaps by admitting my guilt now, Mistress will have time to consider a suitable punishment and possible disincentive...