Q: Dear Mistress R, I notice you have started slapping Robert's balls, something which from reading the blog from the start, I don't think you would have been comfortable with before. Are you aware of a change in your comfort zone with regard to dominating Robert and what might you start doing next to him?
Mistress R: Yes, I am aware as we carry on with this process I am becoming more comfortable with raising the intensity of the slapping etc, you might be aware that recently Rob asked me to bite his cock and although I was reluctant because I didn't want to hurt him (too much), his reaction convinced me that it could be used as part of our play. My reluctance to do these things initially is not so much because I am uncomfortable with the idea of them, but more because I am worried that if they are not done carefully I could accidentally inflict more pain than he wanted me to, and I would hate to really hurt him. As to what I might do next, I don't know exactly... but there's plenty of brambles in the garden (hahahaha). Most ideas originate from Rob so I guess it depends what stupid ideas he comes up with and which one's I'm not too horrified by to try out. :)
Robert: Absolutely, Mistress R is definitely more comfortable using her nails on my cock and slapping my cock and balls than she was a few months ago. She's also slowly getting used to the idea of squeezing my balls with her palm too, which is great. I must say that on balance, even if I sometimes wish for things to happen more quickly, I'd rather Mistress R gauged my response and increased the intensity as she became comfortable with it. I must say, I LOVE how she slaps my balls now without me having to ask her, that is really hot!!!
Q: Hi, my name is Gina, my boyfriend has been mildly submissive to me for a few months and he has asked me to control his orgasms. I have read a fair bit on the subject and just wondered what your take on the benefits was, is it just hype or do you really feel that you have benefited from this?
Mistress R: Definitely not just hype, not sure if you've read back on Robert's blog but I was quite unsure when the subject of chastity was first brought up. Mainly because it seemed to go against everything that I've always believed, however, since committing to it, Rob has certainly become even more attentive to me and even though our relationship has always been very close, it has definitely brought us even closer together. There has been a physical benefit for him, in that he is always hard when I want him to be, and he is always willing to attend to me in whatever way I want, whenever I want, and I don't feel under any pressure to do anything if I don't want to do it. What's not to like?
The hardest thing to get your head around is that your boyfriend wants you to withhold his orgasms, because we are so conditioned to believe that a man needs to cum in order to gain any satisfaction. Once you realise that denying him is what he wants, then you can make it work for you, and he will always be ready to pleasure you whenever you want him to.
A while back Robert posted a poll on his blog which asked his female readers if they would willingly give up control and revert to a 'normal' relationship, only 5% said they would. So go for it, once you get your head round it you will love it!
Robert: Well, there you go...
Q1: Hi Mistress R, after you and Bob started out with chastity have there been times when you have felt the need to go back to your old ways?
Q2. After following the chastity lifestyle do you believe that the mutual understanding and the communication between you has had any changes?
Q3. Say a couple is going through a 'sparkless' sex life, would orgasm control bring back the lost spark? What advice would you give a couple on how to go along with male chastity?
Dr Blasphemy.
Mistress R: Q1. Because our agreement is so flexible, in that we are not just going from one long period of denial to another, this gives me the freedom to do whatever I want and so I don't 'miss' anything because I can make whatever I want happen. So if I want Rob to cum inside me, or if I want to go down on him and make him cum for me, then I can. There have been some quite short periods of denial for Rob, which have come about because that's what I wanted at the time. Having said that, I have said to Rob several times that if he wanted a break from our arrangement then I would consider it, but he has never asked for that and I haven't felt the need to change it in any way.
Q2. I would say that both have improved, as it has brought us closer together and it's worth mentioning that both this blog and the notes that Rob gives me prior to each Femdom session are great ways to communicate, because sometimes it's just easier to write something down and share it that way.
Q3. It depends on the underlying reason for the sparklesness, however if part of the problem is a lack of effort in that you're not paying each other proper attention then it could help, because any change will help you focus more on the intimate time that you are spending together. It's easy to get in a rut which will have a bad affect on your relationship, whereas doing anything differently will make you focus on the effect you are having on each other. Male chastity, generally speaking, will make the man more attentive, while making the woman feel much more valued. Also, if he's willing to devote himself to her pleasure, she's less likely to feel that sex is a chore. As to how you go about it, all I can really say is be prepared for her to be confused, shocked and bewildered because you are basically contradicting everything that she has been brought up to believe. Robert might be better placed than I to answer this part of your question.
I would say though that when starting male chastity you should be careful to ensure that any constructive feedback is not interpreted as criticism.
Robert: Q1. There have been the odd moments when I've thought about it, usually when I'm incredibly horny or haven't been inside Mistress R for a while, but I've never really seriously wanted to stop. There was one time a couple of weeks ago that I briefly considered it, but that was largely because I was stressed out, tired and frustrated about Mistress R's reaction when I finally got up the nerve to ask her to bite my cock.
Q2. I think our communication has improved. We have always been an unusually close couple, but even so I feel better able to communicate with Mistress R now than I ever have before. I might not necessarily get the response I desire, but I feel more confident about putting my head above the parapet and asking for what I want. It was quite hard to ask her to bite my cock and I didn't exactly get the reaction I'd hoped for, it still took me a long time to pluck up the courage to ask, but in the end I just did it. In one of her emails recently Sarah Jameson said that if you really want something you have to ask for it, because weak people 'hint' and weakness is not attractive. I think that's pretty smart advice which you could apply that to many scenarios, whether it's male chastity, cream pies, cuckolding, femdom, or whatever.
Q3. Would male chastity reintroduce a spark into a stale relationship? What will most likely put the spark back into a relationship is making an effort, communicating, and making the other person feel wanted and cherished. If male chastity helps to achieve that then yes.
Q: How do I get my very shy wife to cuckold me? I particularly want to watch her fuck someone else in front of me.
Mistress R: Are you sure this isn't best left in fantasy land, because I have heard lots of stories about this sort of thing because they think this is what they want, and once they do it one or other of them feels so resentful or guilty that their relationship is irreparably damaged. I don't feel qualified to give you any advice about this because we have no experience of it and it's not something which we've ever wanted to do. Maybe talking to someone who has already done this would be your best bet.
Robert: Get her drunk, take her to a party and then ignore her all night. You might not get to watch but there's a good chance she'll fuck someone else... seriously though, you need to think about this extremely carefully. There are so many potential pitfalls with this that you'd both really need to be on board for this to work without ruining your relationship.
From what I've read the safest, easiest way to start heading down this route would be to maybe ask her to tell you about her previous boyfriends while you're having sex, gently let her know that the thought of her having sex with other people turns you on, I think you need to go slow and plant the seed and see where it goes. But like Mistress R said, in all honesty I can't really offer you much help with this.
And now a question from our dear friend and regular commenter Harry Haversackers now...
Q: I see that Rob has had nine orgasms so far in 2012. That's an average of roughly one every eighteen days. Do you see yourself working towards increasing the time between his orgasms? If Rob is typical, as the time between orgasms grow, he becomes more and more dedicated to serving your needs and whims. If he is providing you with the orgasmic pleasure you desire, and unless you have a propensity for seeing or feeling him ejaculate, there isn't any real need for him to orgasm at all.
Just so you know where I'm coming from, my wife CH and I are an older couple, practising chastity and denial in a non-Femdom, but otherwise kinky relationship. CH enjoys the benefits of keeping me chaste, and as a challenge, has me orgasm free until January 1, 2013 (or later). It's difficult but very rewarding for both of us. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this.
Mistress R: It's not a specific aim of mine to 'set records', and since we've started male chastity I have found that Rob is just as attentive to me whether his last orgasm was five days ago or thirty five days ago. To me one of the downsides of long term chastity is that it would prevent me enjoying the level of penetration I wanted, when I wanted it, because certain positions would make it almost impossible for him to keep up the pace I wanted without having to stop or cum. Part of what I love about our arrangement is that sometimes I just want him to fuck me hard and fast until he cums, and I wouldn't want to deny myself that for the sake of breaking a record.
I think that one of the great things about our arrangement is that whenever I play with Rob he never knows if he's going to be allowed to cum or not, and that uncertainty adds an edge to every encounter (which I really like). That said, I have become more comfortable with the idea of longer periods of chastity and I know that if I decided to extend the time between Rob's orgasms then I know he would be happy with that... but even if I did make a conscious decision towards a very long period of denial for Rob, I wouldn't give him a date or any indication of the time-scale because I would want to keep him guessing and wouldn't want to tie myself down to an arrangement I want to change later. That said, just as I wasn't sure about chastity at first, I wouldn't want to get into a rut with anything so I would keep an open mind. One of the benefits of this blog is that other contributors bring up new ideas for consideration, so thanks for yours and I hope you enjoy the next few months!
As a matter of interest Harry, how do you cope with penetration after that long a period of denial?
Robert: When we first started this I was all keen on the records and stuff, and it's still fun to beat a record (some more than others mind you!). The last time we set a chastity record (42 days) I experienced a situation about 38 days in where Mistress R was on top of me and I was so close to cumming that I couldn't enjoy the sex because it was just all about trying not to cum. Indeed it was so apparent that I was finding it so difficult that Mistress R got off and cut my teasing session short, indeed I don't think she touched me again that day. That really sucked, and it made me realise that I really didn't necessarily want to be going months if that was what was going to happen. Curiously, a couple of days later I found I was almost back to normal, as far as being able to keep myself under control was concerned, but even so, I'd rather be denied for twenty four days and be able to enjoy some good hard teasing and sex, than sixty four days and for Mistress R to only touch me for a few seconds before I have to ask her to stop.
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