It's hard to explain since to most people it would sound bizarre, but vanilla, man-on-top sex is now the exception rather than the norm, and that brings a whole lot of strange thoughts. I could almost liken it to the first time a guy allows his wife to touch his ass, the whole 'will she think I'm turning gay' thing (my first girlfriend did, actually).
I realise that comparison makes no sense to anyone else, I'm sure...but I know what I mean even if nobody else does.
Then again, I've been here before, several times and I know the best thing to do is to let Mistress decide what she wants from me. Nobody really talks about this part of power exchange very much, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who worries about not fulfilling my obligations as written in the book of vanilla sex. As stupid as that sounds...
My one reassurance is that right back at the start Mistress had me agree that I was not allowed to initiate penetration, so in all honesty I'm pretty powerless to do anything about it, and Mistress and I have discussed this several times over the past couple of years and the outcome has always been the same.
After all, Mistress decided last night that she wanted me inside her and she very much dictated how it was going to happen. I have no reason to believe that Mistress is dissatisfied or unhappy in any way with our ongoing arrangement and I am blissfully happy, it just goes to show what I've known for a long time - I worry too much. But I worry because I love her so much and I want her to be as happy as I am.
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