So I'm sure my earlier post probably left some of you scratching your heads a bit since my point was somewhat badly related. It comes back to something which has troubled me in the past and which I don't spend too much time thinking about these days, but which reared it's head again following last night's events. That being, as men we are brought up to believe that to fulfil a woman sexually we must be powerful, dominant, somewhat aggressive even. Women want to be fucked for hours and left spent...
We may bat this aside, dismiss it as nonsense... but even the most enlightened man can still fall into the trap of doubting himself.
Just look at the whole cuckold fantasy thing (fantasy probably being the operative word of course), the bull is the one who fucks her all night and leaves her exhausted while the inferior cuckold husband jerks off (assuming he's not locked in chastity of course). The male instinct is to compete with other men, to be perceived as sexually superior, and this does not sit well with most of us in the real world.
Imagine then, the man who gets to live his sexually submissive fantasy life... (that's me, okay) ...who surrenders his 'right' to orgasm, to penetrative sex, to even touch his own cock without permission. How does he reconcile this with years of programming, telling him that a real man, the man all women really want to be with is the powerful, dominant, sexually aggressive Alpha Male? Is it any wonder that doubts creep in now and again?
Mistress read my earlier post and asked me if I was worried. She yet again reassured me that she does not feel this way, that she feels that she has absolutely the best of all worlds, that she can have exactly what she wants when she wants it (and doesn't have to endure 'macho male pussy pounding' (my words, not hers) when she doesn't want it at all).
She said that just as we men are conditioned to believe that we must be 'Alpha Males', women are brought up to believe that all men are only interested in their own pleasure, that they just want to get on top, fuck until they cum and then go to sleep. This, as I'm sure the people who read my blog know, is not the case, and so it follows that our own conditioning is somewhat wide of the mark also.
Mistress R further said that, truth be told, if you got a group of women together and asked them straight-up, with no bullshit, what they actually want in bed, an awful lot of them would be a lot more interested in oral and non-penetrative stimulation than being 'fucked to exhaustion', despite media insistence to the contrary.
As I said, this doesn't worry me as much as it used to, but I still get doubts occasionally. I can see, logically, that Mistress R is right, she can take whatever she wants from me, whenever she wants it, sometimes that is penetrative sex, but most often it isn't... I guess it's just hard to shake off those years of conditioning which persuade us that we 'know' what women want, when we probably don't at all.
Men who enter this kind of lifestyle will doubtless encounter problems along the way and need reassurance from their partner from time to time, because to live this way is to go against what society has convinced us it means to be 'a man'. It's a shame that society doesn't teach us that to be a real man one should ensure that our partner's needs are properly taken care of, that we should seek to make them feel loved above all else and that their orgasm is of far greater importance than our own.
To live this way is not always easy, but the rewards are beyond anything I could ever hope for from a purely vanilla relationship and I sincerely hope I will never again be in one of those.
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