Morning teasing...

I was woken up this morning by Mistress cuddling me and turned over to talk. As usual I allowed my fingers to stray to her pussy and gently rubbed my fingertips against her pubic hair. As we talked she grabbed my morning wood (rock hard already) and started stroking me. Soon we were kissing and I licked a finger and gently rubbed it against her pussy. Mistress moaned but kept her legs closed and after a few seconds pushed my hand away before continuing to stroke me.
It's times like these that I realise the differences between our relationship now and before, because I wanted nothing more at that moment than to get on top of Mistress and thrust that rock hard cock of mine into her pussy and fill her full of cum. But of course, that isn't for me to decide anymore.
As I drove to the supermarket a little while later I was thinking about it and why I don't just tell her what I really want...it's kind of an odd thing to think about, if you think about it. Sometimes I worry that she doesn't realise what I'm thinking... I have this (stupid and irrational) fear that one day it will be thrown in my face, you know... how come you never told me you wanted to fuck me, kind of thing.
This is not a new topic, by any stretch... Mistress made the rule right at the start that if I wanted her to control my cock then only she could decide when, how and if I would be allowed to penetrate her gorgeous pussy, and every so often I get myself in a pickle over it.
It's not that I want her to change her mind, it's more that I want her to know how badly I want her. On occasion I have told her in a roundabout way, so rather than asking to be allowed inside her I have said, 'I want to be inside you so much'... but even that feels like I'm disrespecting her rule about initiating penetration. It's not like she's going to punish me for it, I guess... it stems from the early days when I was scared that she would give in if I pushed, so I didn't push (there's a tip for you wanna-be subs, don't push it and it will become normal to her) and I suppose that has set the scene somewhat now.
Sometimes I wish Mistress had never made that rule, not because I want to be able to initiate penetration, but I because I sometimes wish I could beg and be firmly told 'no'. Of course I tried that after about the first week and Mistress's reaction was simply to ask me if I wanted to be in chastity or not, so I didn't do that again.
I guess Mistress knows that I pretty much always want to be inside her and to cum inside her, I guess I will just have to find a discrete way to put my own mind at rest.
Mistress carried on stroking me for quite a while and my cock was really ready to explode, then she kissed me some more while teasing my ass and scratching my cock and balls. I have to say I love it when she teases my ass, I might be choosing the glass butt plug again soon, or maybe even the RodeoHs.